Rough Couple of Days

Damn my head hurts. I guess that’s what I get for drinking myself to sleep.

These last two days have been horrible. The Teenager suffered some sort of bites on her back and leg, and those lead to a lot of pain and swelling, whining and crying, and finally ended in a staph infection. We’ve spent two days at the emergency room getting IV antibiotics and ‘draining’ procedures. Eww. It was gross, I won’t go into detail. The first day, they gave her some minor pain medication thru the IV. Yesterday, they gave her morphine. MORPHINE. Hello! And if I’ve learned nothing else from this experience, I now know that she is a very mean and cranky girl on that particular med. Back to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully we’ll be done. But I’m exhausted. I’m glad to be at work and out of the house today. I can’t take her yelling at me anymore.

Last nite is a bit of a blur. Evan taught class and I stayed home with The Teenager, catering to her every whim until she went back to sleep. Temp roomie Mike made a fantastic gumbo for dinner, and I think I drank about a gallon of wine. I was asleep very early, which is probably a good thing. Hopefully I didn't do or say anything stupid, but I probably did.

Got my hair cut over the weekend and I love it. Well, not so much today cuz the rain and humidity have made it look terrible. But it’s a very cute cut. Not short though. The man has requested specifically that I do not cut my hair short. And since I adore him, I have agreed.

Going to see a play tonite, our friend Van’s directing debut. He's a talented kid.

The boys have been playing World of Warcraft online. With Mike in the house, we officially have 4 computers running on a LAN - and way too much testosterone. Ha. I've resigned myself to quiet games of online poker while they go on quests and kill things. They want me to play, but I fear that my highly addictive personality would cause me to spend far too much time in the game.

Nothing going on comedy-wise in the immediate future. I'll be performing at the Velveeta Room in Austin the last weekend of May. Road trip!

Damn this headache.

Girl. Employed.

Drum roll please...............

My daughter got a JOB. A real, live, money-paying, time-clock punching job.

I'm speechless.
I feel a little faint.....

**falls on floor**

Dust yourself off, Crazy.

Hi. I’m Spring. And I hate Texas.

Could someone please tell me why it’s so *&%#@#%$ cold? It’s MARCH! Nearly April! And we’re using our fireplace! Holy crap!

Enough exclamation points.

Oh, and if you're a South Park fan, it was absolutely BRILLIANT last nite! Here's a good article:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/03/23/south.park.hayes.ap/index.html?eref=yahoo

Take that, Isaac!
************************************************************************************
I was thinking today. Never a good idea, but sometimes I can’t help myself. I was thinking about people who feel that they are entitled to everything because they’ve had a hard life.

I had this friend, who isn’t a friend anymore. We’ll call her Crazy Red Head. Crazy Red Head had a rough life, as a lot of us do. When her father left the family, she was a pre-teen, and her mother lost it. She began abusing Crazy and her brother, physically and mentally. Crazy left home at an early age, and of course hooked up with an abusive guy who beat her too. She left him when she found out she was pregnant. She became a single mom. A few months after her son was born, she was attacked and raped by two guys, in her own home. The good ole’ boy cops told her she must have done something to provoke them. Crazy’s life seemed to have all the makings of a Lifetime movie of the week. Everywhere she turned, tragedy followed her. Every day was a crisis with Crazy.

And she felt like the whole world owed her.

She wanted to drag anyone and everyone into her tragic life, and make them feel responsible for her unhappy existence. She wanted you to feel sorry for her, and agree that yes, her life was so awful that it was amazing she had survived. Trouble is, she never did anything to make things better for herself. She just kept expecting everyone to do everything she asked. If you wouldn’t let her borrow money, you were a terrible person because she was going to be evicted from her apartment and what would she do without a place to live for her and her son? If you wouldn’t babysit for her, (which was practically a daily request), then you were mean and didn’t want her to have any fun and how dare you be like that! If you wouldn’t help her move (she moved frequently), then how was she supposed to get all the heavy furniture up those stairs because you know she has a bad back and there’s no one to help but you! If you wouldn’t go out with her because you wanted to spend time with your family, then you were just a selfish, nasty person who doesn’t give a damn about their friends! Unfortunately, I did help her, on several occasions. In fact, I helped her so damn much that it started to interfere with my family. Our neighbors actually thought her son belonged to me, because he was always at my house. And god forbid you needed her to help you. That was just unheard of. It was an exhausting relationship, and after 6 years of knowing her, I finally had to say adios.

Does that make me a mean and heartless person? No.
Why? Because she made herself a victim. And by helping her out of every jam, I was continuing that cycle for her.


I have a real problem with people who have a constant ‘victim mentality’. Yes, she went through some horrible things. But so have a lot of other people. And most of them don’t base their entire lives around what they should be entitled to in order to make up for the wrongs done to them in the past. Most people deal with things and move on.

I was thinking about this because I too have been through some crappy things in my life. I won’t go into detail, because there are a couple of people who read this with whom I wouldn’t want to share such personal and intimate details. But suffice it to say, some of the things I went through are similar to what she went through. I dealt with those things, and I moved on. If I stop and think about them, sometimes they make me sad, but they don’t control my life.

I hope someday you dust yourself off, Crazy. I did.

It's raining men.

I’m sleepy. I like coffee. It’s tasty.

We have a new temporary roomie. His name is Mike, he’s a friend of Dave’s, and he’s just passing thru for a couple of months on his way to some foreign country. He helped clean up last nite, so he’s a keeper.

The house is full and I’m completely outnumbered. Way too many men. Normally I wouldn’t complain, but I feel that I need a huge dose of estrogen soon, before I start belching and scratching and wanting to build things.

Ok, I can’t remember if I mentioned this guy at work who’s been hitting on me. We’ll call him GAW. It started a couple of weeks ago – he was sending me emails and coming by my desk frequently. He’s married, so I of course am thinking that he’s a total pig, and I was not encouraging him at all. I can’t count how many times I said, "My boyfriend" this or "My boyfriend" that. But GAW wouldn't take a hint.

Turns out that he and his wife are ‘swingers’ and they were looking for an interested third party. Eww. No thanks. He’s since had a ‘talking to’ by his supervisor for ‘harassing’ me.

Awesome.

But here’s my question – why do people feel comfortable telling me these things about themselves? What about me said to this dude, “Hey, I bet she wants to see my wife naked!”

Now that brings up an interesting issue. I’ve never understood the whole ‘swinging’ thing. I thought it died out in the 70’s, but apparently the trend is alive and well, and people you wouldn’t even imagine are involved in it. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but marriage is supposed to be between TWO people, not three or four, right? I’ve never been of the mindset that sex is a meaningless act and that married couples should be allowed to engage in sex with people outside the marriage. Call me old fashioned, but I just think that’s wrong.

Some people swear by it, say it’s been nothing but a boost to their marriage. I don’t see how that’s possible. I am an incredibly jealous person, there’s no way I could allow my partner to screw a stranger. I would always wonder if he were doing it behind my back. It's not an 'open' relationship, it's cheating, IMO. Having any kind of physical, romantic contact with someone other than your significant other, even if you're not married, is cheating. At least I think so. For example: if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend at home and you make out with someone else, that's cheating. And you probably shouldn't take pictures. I'm just sayin'.

I guess people see it differently.
People who say there’s no emotion involved in sex are just wrong.

And they’re mostly men.

Here is the answer to yesterday’s trivia question:

Q: What does Home Depot run short of during Spring Break?
A: Funnels and tubing – for beer bong construction.

Have a lovely, estrogen-filled day.

Look inside for important nutritional information

I had one of those, "Oh my god, I'm turning into my mother" moments last nite. I referred to my daugher's choice of music as 'that screaming mess'. My mother used to call my music that too. But I was listening to Journey. Not sure that Steve Perry's crooning constitutes 'screaming'.

My daughter told me something I didn’t know, so I’ll share in the form of a trivia question. First correct answer gets….well, I haven’t really thought this out, now have I? I’ll think of something.

What does Home Depot run short of during Spring Break?

Give me your answers, one of you has to know this.

We’ve been downloading a lot of music. Most of my cd’s have somehow disappeared, so now I can listen to my favorite Poe song again. This is truly one of the coolest songs ever.

"Trigger Happy Jack"

He scares easily
It makes him so angry
At me

And his head it spins around
Just like the exorcist and I
Find it ever so
Hard to resist his cries

But there’s nothing more sadistic than an infant
Waving his pistol in my face
He wants me right down on my knees
Crumbling in disgrace

But he underestimates my mind
I know he’s messing with my head
My only weakness is
I can’t believe the guy could be entirely dead

(Chorus)
Can’t talk to a psycho like a normal human being
Can’t talk to a psycho like a normal human being
Trigger happy jack
You’re gonna blow
But I’m gonna get off
Before you go
My trigger happy jack is just a
Drive by a go-go

And after awhile he calms down
And he looks at me like a prince
But I know I better bite the bullet
’cause it’s just another one of his
Jedi mind tricks

But this ain’t no headtrip honey
This is a collision on the road
And you’ve got me feeling oh just like a roadkill
And you know deep down I know

(Chorus)

Why do you make me feel like this?
Why do you gotta be such a dick?
Why do you make me feel like this?
Why do you gotta be such a dick?
Go-go

And I hate myself
Just enough to want him
But I hate him just enough to get off
But I understand him
Maybe I’m just crazy enough
To love him
Why not?
You can’t talk to a psycho like a normal human being...

No, we didn't float away...

...But it was touch and go there for a while. It seems that the areas surrounding us received a whopping foot of rain over the past three days. We got our share too, but no flooding in the neighborhood to speak of. But it sure made for a cold and uneventful weekend. Thank goodness we have computers and cable!

Since we all have very different schedules at the house and don’t see each other every day, we’re instituting a Sunday Family Dinner Nite. Every Sunday, one of us will be responsible for creating a tasty meal for everyone in the house. Last nite our roomie Dave made a delectable meal – teriyaki salmon and chicken with saffron rice, veggies, spring rolls and home-made Nuoc Mam sauce for dipping. Fantastic! It’s amazing this man is still single, he’s got great kitchen skills.

I know I’m behind on the times and all, but we’ve been playing "The Sims 2" over the weekend. Evan has downloaded all kinds of crazy cheats and patches. This is definitely a game that one could obsess over. Did you know you can make them naked? My main goal was to get two sims to hook up and do the ‘woohoo’, as they call it in the game. Mission accomplished.

I’m planning my prank for April 1st. I don’t do one every year, but I just can’t resist.

Here’s my only attempt at a haiku:

Matters of the heart
Cannot be medicated.
It was worth a shot.

Enjoy your week folks!

So he can't make coffee...

Just a post so you can all be jealous of me. I woke up with a nasty migraine today. Yuck. But that's not why you should envy me. I stayed home from work and stayed in bed to try and alleviate the pain. And guess what I got?

Breakfast.
In bed.

Yes, that's right ladies. My boyfriend is cooler than yours. He cooked me breakfast, a most delicious omelet, brought it to me, and we watched SpongeBob together.

How's that for an awesome morning? It got better, but I'll spare you those details. ;)

Have a great weekend all!

Oh, and nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah. (I'm sticking my tongue out at you.)

Spring Break and Silly Quizzes

Well, it's Thursday. I have a new blog look, hope you're enjoying it. Spring Break is almost over. We had the kids for a few days, they got to hang out with Evan while I was at work. I'm happy to report there were no injuries, fires or general mayhem. Well, there was one thing. He called me yesterday and his first words were, "Don't panic, everything's fine." Not a good way to approach me, but ok. Emily had a nosebleed that just wouldn't quit. Luckily, she didn't panic at all, and the men in the house, who have never had children, handled it just fine. Way to go, boys. You did well.

**************************************************************************************

Dear Jenn, Here is your horoscope for Thursday, March 16: Don't sell yourself short -- in fact, make sure you're not giving parts of yourself away. Not only do you deserve credit for all your hard work, you deserve far more respect and appreciation than you've been getting.

Story of my life.

**********************************************************************************
Here’s something – the other day I got a call from my boss. He was calling to say thank you for making his last-minute travel changes. Did you hear that? He said THANK YOU. It’s amazing how those two little words can mean so much. Everyone here loves me and they’re extremely impressed with how quickly I’ve picked up their systems and procedures. Yay me!

Since this building is so huge, my goal is to visit every restroom on the premises in the next 2 months. So far I’ve been to 5. It’s good to have goals.

**********************************************************************************
My boyfriend is a little nutty. He’s taken like a million different ‘blog quizzes’ and posted the results. I usually don’t go for them myself, but I was curious about a few. Here are some of my results, sans pictures and links:

Booty Twinkle Wink is my Elf name.

I am Apple Pie.

I am Miss Piggy.

I am a Prophet Soul.

I am 60% girlish and 40% boyish

I am Italian food – comforting, yet overwhelming.

I am a Margarita.

My pimp name is Suede Dynamite.

My pornstar name is Muffin Sesame.

I act like a 30 year old, while my boyfriend acts like a 17 year old.

I am only 37% bitch. Evan scored a whopping 95% on the Asshole quiz, which once again proves my theory: If a guy tells you he’s an asshole when you first meet him, chances are he’s right. But the 5% of him that’s not an asshole is pretty cool. :)

I did discover, however, that we are the same donut, (powdered devil’s food), we are the same reindeer (Blitzen), and we’re both expert kissers. I could have told you that without a quiz.

I’m calling bullshit on the sexual skills quiz, cuz it only rated me a 24% on flirting, and we all know I’m way better than that. I liked my ending answers though:

Why They Love You: You pleasure them first.
Why They Hate You: You bite.

Indeed I do. On both counts.

Oh, and thanks for fixing my comment tag, honey. I would have probably put in something different, but it'll do for now.

Back to work for me.

Headline

How's this for a headline today - compliments of Yahoo:

"Woman grows world's heaviest mango."

Why do I find that funny?

Chuck E Cheese pics

These are from our very silly trip to Chuck E. Cheese. It's rare that I can get all three of the kids in a picture, so I took full advantage of this opportunity. Evan decided we should all try and squeeze into one pic. I can't believe it worked. Left to right: Evan, Lauran (aka, The Teenager), Emily, me, Christopher






Why do my kids look so goth-like? I swear, they are happy little people. Getting the boy to smile for a picture is ridiculously difficult, so I'll settle for the goofy look. The girls, well, they're teenagers. Enough said.

Aww, my little family.

Herbie's life

This is our new cat, Herbie, and my daughter Emily. Herbie and Emily have a lot in common - they both love rock and roll. Herbie's a rocker from way back. Emily's just getting started. She can learn a lot from Herbie. He's been rockin' for 15 years now, which oddly enough is two years longer than Emily's been alive. In cat years, he's lived thru two world wars, the Great Depression, and is still rockin' so hard he puts Keith Richards to shame. And looks better too. This picture was taken after a late-nite jam session. You can see that they are both worn out, although, truth be told, at 96 cat years, this is all Herbie ever does anyway. Wait, that's a lie. Sometimes he sleeps on the other side of the couch. Emily, however, is always on the same side.

Here we see Emily with 63 pretzels in her mouth. Why? Because Herbie dared her. In fact, he double-dog dared her. Once she completed the dare, Herbie yawned, unimpressed, and went back to sleep. I'm a little worried about these two.







See? Now she can't even close her mouth due to the preztel stretchage. That darn cat.

6 weird things/habits about me.

I was tagged by my buddy Tommy Von on Myspace, but I’ll post it here.

1. I have several family members, including an aunt and three sisters (all on my mother’s side) who I’ve never met. Can you say ‘dysfunctional’?

2. I have an irrational fear of soft cheeses.

3. I have OCD, and the one thing I’m really nutty about is the kitchen pantry. Everything has to be turned and stacked and placed a certain way, so no one else in the house ever puts groceries away for fear that they won’t do it right. (And they don’t.)

4. More OCD – the volume on the television always has to be on an even number. Unfortunately, this condition has ‘rubbed off’ on my children, my roommates, my boyfriend, and anyone else who has spent a significant amount of time with me.

5. I hate talking on the phone to most people. Not because I don’t like them, but I just find it tedious. There are only a few people I can spend time with on the phone. I prefer to communicate via email. If only my mother knew how to use a computer.

6. I appear to be a confident and outgoing person, but in all actuality, I’m quite self-conscious and easily intimidated. I would never go to a party or a function alone where I didn’t know anyone because that would scare me to death.

People I’m tagging:
Beth, because she'll make it funny.
Evan, because he needs to blog, dammit.
Skye, because she loves it when I blog.
Bryce, because there are probably a lot of weird things I don't know about him.
My stalkers, because you people obviously have nothing better to do.

Time to frag

We finally got DSL. Yay! I was so sick of dial-up that I didn't even get on the internet at home anymore. It's amazing how impatient we've become since the advent of high-speed technology. Who wants to wait 3 minutes? Now we can download all the porn we want, at super-high speed!

Wait, that's not why I wanted DSL! Dammit! A house full of men, perhaps I'm outvoted. But the LAN gaming shall commence shortly.

I’m at work today. I went to the restroom this morning, and as I was washing my hands, I looked up and noticed a little sign on the mirror. It said, “You are looking at the person responsible for your safety.” Yikes. I’m in trouble.

10,000? Are you kidding me?

I have officially hit 10,000 hits on my blog.

Wow. Way cool.

Mondays just don't suck like they used to.

Good morning everyone! Beautiful day, beautiful weather, still employed and looking exceptionally cute today. :)

We had a good show on Friday, small (25 or 30 folks, I think) but receptive crowd, and a good group of comics. The teen, since dumping her most recent boyfriend, had nothing better to do on a Friday nite, so she went along to see the show. To my surprise, she handed out fliers, and actually coaxed a half a dozen people into coming to the show! She may have a future in sales. Evan ran the sound and lights, cuz that's how he rolls, and I made people laugh. What a team. It was a lovely evening, although we didn't get home until very late, as usual. Many thanks to Shaun Arredondo for inviting me to be a part of it. He is one of the nicest and most sincere people in the comedy world that I've met thus far.

Nice but uneventful weekend after that. Watched more "Oz", we're halfway thru season 5 now. Lots of full frontal in this season, and I think I'm starting to tire of looking at a plethora of penises. Or is it peni? Didn't really do much else, a little cleaning, some laundry, some video games. We're getting DSL this week, connecting the computers, and plan to do some LAN gaming with Unreal Tournament and my roomie Dave. These boys have no idea how much ass I kick on first-person shooters. They're in a for a surprise, and a painful, humiliating death. Yes, chicks play video games. Well, the cool ones do.

Evan's out giving the teen another driving lesson today, followed by a job interview for her. They've made some sort of deal on the driving/job/car thing that I'm not included in. Hell, if he can get her to do something productive, rock on. I've tried for 17 years. He's an amazing influence on my kids.

Still no word on the fate of the WECT. I'm sad about that. As details arise, I will pass them on, but for now, I have no idea. I hope it doesn't close permanently, but that is a distinct possibility at this point. I had my first paying gig there, so many wonderful shows, the festival, the contest, I hate to see it go away. And that's where I met Evan, so it will always have sentimental value - but sentimental value doesn't buy a liquor license.

That's it for now. Many happy returns. Back to work for me. The silence here is so nice. :)

Ahh. What a difference.

This new job has me feeling useful again. No yelling, no berating, no name-calling. The people are soooo nice, and extremely helpful. I’m guessing that they’re going easy on me to start with, but I’ve already learned pretty much all I need to do. I’ve assisted some top-level people with various things and they seem pleased with me so far. This company is so huge. Over 4000 people work at this location. I’ve never worked for a place like this. I don’t even have to put stamps on envelopes; they have a mailroom to do that for me. I just drop things off and they get mailed or shipped. I don’t have to come in 30 minutes early or stay 30 minutes late to make up for ‘smoke breaks’ – those are built in. (Breaks are supposed to be built-in and mandatory anyway, but some companies don’t follow those rules.) I can go to lunch when I want. I can pretty much come in and leave whenever I need to. I don’t have to pick up anyone’s dry cleaning or take their dog for a walk or listen to people scream at each other.

In short, I love it. Too bad it’s only temporary. But I like doing temp work, because I have commitment issues. Har har. Two months here, two months there, my work life is a lot like my love life used to be.

Word has gotten around that I’m a comedian, so of course everyone wants to stop by my desk to see if it’s true. I’m holding back a bit for now, they don’t know me well enough. I’ve made a couple of humorous remarks, but I’m keeping it low-key until I’ve been here for a while. One of the guys here has a brother who’s a comic in L.A., so I’m sure I’ll bring out the funny sooner or later. Probably later.

Evan and I have known each other for 9 months now, so I guess we’ve made it thru the ‘gestational’ period of the relationship? Is that even the slightest bit funny? No? Ok, moving on.

How’s this for balls – he gave my daughter a driving lesson last nite. She’s never had an interest in driving or even getting her license, but now she’s looking for a job and thinking about saving up for her first car. Wow. So he offered to teach her how to drive. I gave her a driving lesson when she was 15. We went to the school parking lot, she got confused on the brake vs. the gas, and ran right into a wall. That was the last lesson she got from me. Apparently she did much better with Evan. Best of luck to you honey! I’m staying out of this one. Hope your insurance is up to date.

The teen said something funny yesterday – she said that when she was at the park the other day, she realized that little kids are a lot like drunk people. They fall down a lot, can’t walk a straight line, slur their words, crap their pants. Hmm. A valid and amusing comparison, although one has to be pretty damn drunk to crap their pants.

Have a great day. And don’t mess yourself.