To Kill a Uterus

First, you start with an ungodly perky staff at 8 in the morning. Obviously, they got to have coffee, and I was a little envious of that. No tall non-fat light whip Cinnamon Dulce Latte for Jenn today, oh no sir. I couldn't even have a cup of ice cubes, but the perklets sipped happily upon their Starbucks while I undressed from the waist down.

"Well how are you feeling today, Jennifer? You are our only patient this morning, so we're all going to take good care of you!" chirped the blonde with the annoyingly sweet disposition. She told me I was going to be Queen for the Day. Yeah, so where's my fucking tiara?

The procedure is called a Hypothermal Ablation, (yes, I included a link to totally gross you out.), which is an alternative to a hysterectomy. The recovery time is much faster and you can have it done on an outpatient basis, which is what I did. I was in by 9, out by 10:30.

They put you under anesthesia for the procedure, and as I was drifting off I think I was having a conversation with the anesthesiologist about South Park, though I couldn't be certain.

When it was done, another perky lady helped me off the table and into a wheelchair, saying something about dance moves, I'm not sure, I was still coming out of the anesthesia. I had a gnarly caffeine headache, but it went away when I took my Vicodin.

BFF Jill brought me back to her house and I threw up as soon as we got out of the car. Probably less from the anesthesia and more from just being uncomfortable in the car for 20 minutes, but it passed quickly. Tried to sleep, writhed around in pain for a while, cried a bit, then finally took a Unisom just so I could fall asleep for a bit. (Funny thing about Vicodin, it doesn't really help that much with pain, and it certainly doesn't make me sleepy.) After sleeping for a few hours, I woke up feeling much better. We ate, watched some American Dad and Family Guy, and I called/texted/facebooked everyone to let them know I didn't die on the table.

Still hurting a bit, but that's normal. I would totally recommend the procedure, and my doctor, she's wonderful. Shout out to the gals from Optima who actually did treat me like a queen.

I'll be down for a couple of days. Just gonna rest and take it easy. Emily the Precious starts her new job tomorrow too, which is awesome.

Thanks for all your love and support and happy thoughts. There will be a candlelight vigil due to the fact that I can't have sex for 2 weeks. :)