Ahh. What a difference.

This new job has me feeling useful again. No yelling, no berating, no name-calling. The people are soooo nice, and extremely helpful. I’m guessing that they’re going easy on me to start with, but I’ve already learned pretty much all I need to do. I’ve assisted some top-level people with various things and they seem pleased with me so far. This company is so huge. Over 4000 people work at this location. I’ve never worked for a place like this. I don’t even have to put stamps on envelopes; they have a mailroom to do that for me. I just drop things off and they get mailed or shipped. I don’t have to come in 30 minutes early or stay 30 minutes late to make up for ‘smoke breaks’ – those are built in. (Breaks are supposed to be built-in and mandatory anyway, but some companies don’t follow those rules.) I can go to lunch when I want. I can pretty much come in and leave whenever I need to. I don’t have to pick up anyone’s dry cleaning or take their dog for a walk or listen to people scream at each other.

In short, I love it. Too bad it’s only temporary. But I like doing temp work, because I have commitment issues. Har har. Two months here, two months there, my work life is a lot like my love life used to be.

Word has gotten around that I’m a comedian, so of course everyone wants to stop by my desk to see if it’s true. I’m holding back a bit for now, they don’t know me well enough. I’ve made a couple of humorous remarks, but I’m keeping it low-key until I’ve been here for a while. One of the guys here has a brother who’s a comic in L.A., so I’m sure I’ll bring out the funny sooner or later. Probably later.

Evan and I have known each other for 9 months now, so I guess we’ve made it thru the ‘gestational’ period of the relationship? Is that even the slightest bit funny? No? Ok, moving on.

How’s this for balls – he gave my daughter a driving lesson last nite. She’s never had an interest in driving or even getting her license, but now she’s looking for a job and thinking about saving up for her first car. Wow. So he offered to teach her how to drive. I gave her a driving lesson when she was 15. We went to the school parking lot, she got confused on the brake vs. the gas, and ran right into a wall. That was the last lesson she got from me. Apparently she did much better with Evan. Best of luck to you honey! I’m staying out of this one. Hope your insurance is up to date.

The teen said something funny yesterday – she said that when she was at the park the other day, she realized that little kids are a lot like drunk people. They fall down a lot, can’t walk a straight line, slur their words, crap their pants. Hmm. A valid and amusing comparison, although one has to be pretty damn drunk to crap their pants.

Have a great day. And don’t mess yourself.