Advice for the 'filter challenged'

Happy weekend, bloggers. Hope all is well. Just a short little story to make you laugh, or at least maybe stifle a tiny giggle. It may fall into that 'you had to be there' category, but hopefully it will translate well here.

My boyfriend -- you all know I love him dearly -- but he suffers from a certain condition: He has no filter. What does this mean? Well, it means that he blurts out things that most normal people would keep to themselves. And the fact that we tease each other relentlessly doesn't help this condition at all, because there are times when it's funny, and other times when it certainly is not amusing at all. For example...one night when I was really tired, I told him I didn't feel like cooking. He said to me, "I'll just pick something up. It's not like you were gonna cook anyway, you were just gonna open a jar." Or another comment when I was folding laundry. He asked me to take a break and go outside with him. I said I couldn't because I needed to finish folding the clothes. His response? "Well, they won't be any less wrinkled five minutes from now, will they?"

You see? No filter. No filter at all. There are ways to say what you're thinking without really saying what you think, if that makes any sense. You get the idea.

Last nite, however, his lack of filter was actually funny.

We were grocery shopping, with children in tow. Emily and I were actually doing the shopping while the boys ran off to do 'boy things'. I'm not sure I want to know what that means, but whatever. I was really excited to find that they had a pot roast 'kit' - the roast and all the veggies in one nice, neat little package! Oh, I do love convenience. But also, it was a couple of dollars cheaper than buying all the ingredients separately, so I happily placed one in my cart.

When we were done selecting our items, we went off to find the boys. We found them sword fighting in the toy aisle. Big surprise there. Evan walked up to the cart, spotted my happy little roast kit, picked it up, looked it over for a moment then yelled: "How lazy are you?" I knew he was kidding, but I played along..."This is how lazy I am!", I yelled back, while pushing the cart forward and walking away from it in a faux huff.

There was a woman on the aisle next to us who heard this exchange. As we were walking away, she ran up to us, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "You're supposed to think it, not say it!"

Good advice for the filter-challenged. I think she thought she was doing me a favor. We all had a good laugh.

And just for the record, I am NOT lazy, and my filter works just fine. Oh, how very well my filter works. If I didn't have one, I might be inclined to tell you how much he snores or how hard he is to get out of bed in the mornings, or how pouty he gets when I'm not paying attention to him. Lucky for him I have a filter!

Oops.

Back to School

With 100% of precincts...I mean kids...reporting in, the news is that their return to school was not horrible.

Emily is thrilled to be a high-school freshman, although she finds being called a 'fish' slightly annoying. I'd have to agree. She swears that she has one teacher who is retarded. Probably a poor choice of word, maybe he's just a little slow.

Chris was selected for honors english this year, and he's taking several art classes. My boy's got some drawing talent. He's made some new friends already, and his only complaint is that he's still required to wear a uniform. That doesn't go away until high school, so he's got a few more years of that to look forward to.

The Teenager, well, she doesn't have much longer to go. She has it easier than anyone in the family at this point. Probably one more semester and she'll graduate. And yes, she is attending school, even though she no longer lives at home. I'm really glad she made that decision, I know the temptation to quit is enormous. After all these years, she's starting to make mature decisions. I'd be lying if I said I weren't just a little proud of her for that.

And me? Well, I started my new job yesterday. Four hours at my boss's house, an hour at Office Depot buying a new printer and a flash drive, then another 4 hours of work at home. I've put in 6 hours today and I still have a couple to go. Just taking a break at the moment. I like working at home, I really do. I'll only have to meet with the boss once a week, if that, and supplies and such will be delivered to my house. How cool is that? It's good to be working again.

Oh, and the play stands at 60 pages. I'm very close to being done. Yay me! Now I just have to get up the nerve to let someone read it! Gulp.

Break over. Back to work!

Sad clown

Today, I sat at home, alone -- and I watched chick flicks. This is something I don't do, ever, because I have very little faith in the romantic love stories that permeate such tales. I always try to keep my feet firmly placed in reality. But today, I sat, and I watched, and I cried like a baby.

Then The Teenager called me. It's the first time she's called since she moved out, and she wasn't even calling to ask me for money or food or anything. She was just calling to say hello. That's it. She wanted to talk to me. That did it. More tears. Not while I was on the phone with her, but as soon as we hung up, and for a long time afterwards.

Dammit my head hurts now. I hate crying. I really, really hate it. Oddly enough though, besides the headache, I feel much better. I guess sometimes you just need to cry.

Emmy's new hair

Could she be any cuter?

We're old.

Yes, it's true. Evan turned 38 yesterday, and in a couple of months I'll be doing the same. It's hard to believe I'm that close to 40. Yikes. Not to take away from his 'what have I done with my life' glory, cuz I'm sure he'll be going thru that for a few days. I'm just getting a head start, that's all. (I know, I know, it's not all about me.)

Thursday nite we went to see Paul Varghese at the Improv (thanks for the free tickets, My Space!). Our friend Aaron was hosting, and I was excited to hear that Charles Brockman was the feature act. He's a friend of a friend, although he did remember me. But they announced that some contestants from "Radio Dream Job" at 106.1 were going up to do their 3 minutes, and dammit, I wasn't really excited about that! I've sat thru my fair share of amateurs and crappy open mics, would this be any different? Not really, as you can imagine. The 5 girls got up and did their thing. But, instead of 3 minutes, they were made to stretch for 5 minutes. Most of them didn't handle that very well. Two extra minutes is a lot of pressure. Two of them did a good job, the other 3 were not at all impressive. But, it was their first time, and yay us, we got to witness that. Aaron, Charles and Paul were great, and we were seated at a table with these crazy women from East Texas who had the strangest stories about their husbands. More on that later, I wrote down some of the things they said.

Went to Waffle House, as always. Got home late, as always. Since it was after midnite, gave Evan his birthday gift - Animaniacs on DVD. Oh yeah. We watched a few episodes right away and I giggled because it made him laugh so much.

Had a bit of a tiff with a city worker and some slight car problems on Friday, but all turned out fine. We'd made plans to have dinner with Eric and Ann Marie, as it is also their wedding anniversary. 15 years, are you kidding me? Wow. Congrats to you. 15 months still seems a little scary to me, although we're approaching that as well.

We met up with them at the Magic Time Machine in Addison. We all remembered it as being a cool, funky grown-up place back in the day, but somehow over the last 10 years, it's become, um, 'kid friendly'. Actually, the place was practically overrun with small children. Now, I don't dislike kids, none of us do, but we were surprised by this. The menu isn't cheap, so it's like a very high-end Chuck E. Cheese now. Luckily, we didn't get there until 9:30, which is just about the time that the little ones started to clear out.

We were served by the Big Bad Wolf, who was not at all big nor bad, but at least the snout he wore over his nose made him talk funny. Later in the evening he became engaged to Wonder Woman - she did the asking, of course. Romeo gave us attitude and the Mad Hatter popped in every once in a while to say something witty. Superman, sadly didn't look like Superman at all. We debated for a while on whether he was actually a man. Eric swore he saw boobs. We ordered the 'Roman Orgy', because that's ok among friends. It was delivered to the table in the most loud and obnoxious way possible. When it took four of them to carry it out, we realized how much food it was. Geez. I never thought we'd get enough to-go boxes for everything. We had a nice time hanging out and talking. We don't get to do that very often without kids, or when it isn't something Comedy Sportz related. After we packed up the leftovers, we decided to try the piano bar across the street. And this is when I realized that I'm old. The place was packed, with people who didn't look old enough to drink. There was no place to sit and you could barely move. It was hot as hell and very uncomfortable, and people kept bumping into my purse, which was really starting to get on my nerves. I realize it's huge and all, but come on! We were surrounded by drunk people, and when you're not drunk yourself, that's not much fun. We had one drink, snapped a few photos, and got the hell right out of there.

Did you know that there's absolutely no place to get a cappucino or a gelato after midnite in Addison? Remember that for future reference. So, we bid adieu to the Smiths, stopped to get ice cream on the way home, and watched more Animaniacs until we both fell asleep on the couch. It was a nice evening.

Tonite we'll be at Comedy Sportz, as always. They're doing the regular show at 8, followed by the "Blue Show" at 10. I keep saying I should be a part of the troupe just to do the dirty shows. You always gotta go blue, Jenn.

Back to my writing. 45 pages. Holy crap. I've never been this close to completing something. And I haven't decided who will get the first reading. I know who wants it, but since he was so much the inspiration for the story, I don't know that I'm comfortable with that. I want honest feedback, not nasty criticism or a full re-write! Oh, damn these insecurities.

I start my new work-from-home job on Monday. Part-time to start, may work into full-time at some point. And no, I'm not stuffing envelopes. The woman I'm working for I have worked with before, I was her office manager/assistant last summer. She works from home for the company she is with now, and I'll be doing some as-needed admin work for her. Can't wait to get started! They're ordering a printer and office supplies for me, and hopefully I'll be able to put in 20 hours a week or more.

My adorable Emily has dyed her hair red. It looks nice. I was 16 before I got to start coloring my hair. Hmph.

The Teenager has moved out completely, and douchebag roommate is also on his way out. Hopefully by the weekend he will be gone. And that just leaves the three of us. Now if we could just get rid of the other roommate and have some time to ourselves!

Have a great weekend peeps.

It didn't work

Hmm. They still want me to go to sleep. Oh well. :)

Celebrate!

A few things to mention today...

Over 14,000 hits now. Let me take this opportunity to once again thank you folks who continue to read me. It's nice to know that some of you find my rambling somewhat interesting. Thanks!

I'm 43 pages along on my play. It's really flowing and I'm both happy and surprised. Lots more to fill in though, and I still haven't decided if it will have a happy ending or a realistic one. I'm leaning more toward realistic. I'm not a romantic, by any stretch of the imagination.

Friday is Evan's birthday. I've already purchased his gift. It's wrapped and hidden somewhere in our house. I expect he'll search for it as soon as I'm gone for an extended period of time. It's in one of those hiding places that would seem too obvious, so I really don't think he'll find it. :)

He's asked me not to make a big deal out of his birthday, so we'll be celebrating the day simply, and I'm very much looking forward to that. We'll probably spend the nite away from home and have a nice dinner somewhere, maybe with friends, maybe alone. But definitely without roommates, without distractions. He doesn't like a big fuss over his birthday, well, that's what he says anyway, and I respect that. I, on the other hand, want everyone to know when my birthday rolls around. (Ahem, October).

So, if you happen to see him this weekend, be sure and tell him Happy Birthday. Just don't tell him you heard it from me. God knows I'd better stay on his good side. :)

Pasta!

It's funny how the google bar at the top of my page will pick out certain words from my posts and show ads based on what I write.

So here's an experiment.

Pasta.
I like pasta.
Pasta is tasty.
Yum, pasta.
Pasta, pasta, pasta.

Let's see what it does.

Catharsis

How's this for a bad metaphor:

"You've got a million thoughts circling through your head like a demented pack of hamsters on wheels."

That's from my horoscope for today. Demented pack of hamsters? Who writes this stuff?

Let's see, where are we? I'm done pouting over my terrible performance last weekend. I've had a nice combination of friends telling me that I sucked (in the nicest way possible), and strangers telling me that I didn't, so all is in balance again. And I forgot to mention what a huge success the show was! We weren't sold out, but pretty damn close. And, last nite's show WAS sold out! There was even a mention of it in the paper. Another wonderful show. So, our little production company is off to a very nice start. Yay us! I'm so happy about that.

The weekend started off kinda crappy. It took us over 2 hours - 2 hours and 30 minutes, to be exact - to get downtown in traffic on Friday nite, because apparently every dumbass with a drivers license was on the road at precisely the same time. We got to the club late, and Evan didn't get to play, which sucked. He was very disappointed, as were the rest of us, but it couldn't be helped. There are only so many ways to get there, and the show was starting as we finally walked in. I helped at the door a little, and ran the concession stand. We made it on time last nite, and he got to do his thing. The show was great, very funny. In a shocking turn of events, Evan received his first ever "Brown Bag Foul". I have photographic proof. For those of you not familiar with the 'brown bag' - Comedy Sportz does a clean, family-friendly show, and if at any time a player or audience member says something naughty or offensive, they are required to wear a brown paper bag over their head for the remainder of that scene. Apparently something he said in German-ish sounded like a bad word to the ref, so he called the foul. I call bullshit. But it was amusing.

When we arrived, the children were promptly put to work. Emily was the fiercest hand-stamper ever, not letting anyone get past her. Her help was much appreciated. And Christopher, adorned with matching Evan-like doo-rag, assisted Evan in the sound booth for the late show. I wish I'd gotten a picture of them, it was quite adorable. I ran around, patting comedians on the back and making sure audience members were seated and comfortable. It's what I do. And even though I wasn't actually in the show, the comedians made me feel like a part of it by mentioning or referring to me at certain points. I love it when they do that. :) A very late and exhausting nite for us all, but the show was a tremendous success and the kids had so much fun!

The teenager woke me up for a ride to work today. She said to me on the way, "You know, this is the last time I'll do this."
Yep. I'm aware. Don't let her see you cry, Jenn. She'll pounce like a tiger on your weakness.

Emily and I had an Elvis sighting last nite.
I yelled, "He's not dead!", and Emily replied, "But still bloated!"
Ahh, my kids are witty.

I have completed 19 pages of the play I'm writing. It's much more cathartic than I thought it would be. I find myself crying as I write some of the scenes. I don't know what, if anything, will ever come of it, but at least I'll get it out of my head.

I'm going to try and write a couple more scenes today. And maybe take a nap. Whoo, a full day. See ya soon.

Emptying the nest

My daughter is moving out of the house in five days. And although I always thought her nest-fleeing would give me a sense of relief and satisfaction, I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact that she won’t be here anymore.

No more waking me up at 5 AM for a ride to work. No more borrowing my cell phone and falling asleep and forgetting to give it back to me. No more gaggles of teenagers gathered on my back porch. No more fights. No more loud music when I’m trying to sleep. No more trying to sneak her boyfriend in the house late at nite when she thinks I’m not paying attention.

No more.
It will be quiet.
It will be without chaos.
How the hell do I handle that?

Why do I have the feeling that I’ll still see her on laundry day?

I’ll miss the bagels.

Funny signs

The following are things I've actually seen on church signs:

"God's Bling-onomics, this Sunday." Plano, TX

"Friday: Art Auction. Saturday: Garage Sale" Houston, TX

"Free trips to Heaven; details inside." Houston, TX

"Git 'er done for Jesus" - Hurst, TX. Are you kidding me? Do I even need to point out the irony?

"Negro baseball league, Wednesdays." - Little Elm, TX. Hmm, a little behind the times? Ya think?

Comedy ain't easy

Well, it's easy for a lot of people. I'm just not one of them.

Self-deprecating humor, followed by a self-deprecating blog entry. Welcome to Jenn's world.

The show went great on Saturday, overall if was a success. Everyone had a great set. Everyone except for me. I don't know why it was so bad. I got a few laughs, but it was hard to get those and I cut it short. It will be a while before I do that again. Maybe I should stick to producing, at least I seem to have a knack for that.

I was nervous. I was scattered. Maybe I really don't have what it takes to be a comedian. I really hate doing a bad set, especially in front of friends. Not that I had that many people there to see me, but there were a few, and sadly, I think I was a disappointment.

Crawling back under the covers for the evening. See ya.

My day

Good afternoon my blog friends. Tonite is the show. I'm nervous. And I'm alone, which is better on a day like this. I tend to get a little wacky before a show. I can't eat. I can't sleep. Here's how my last 20 hours have gone. I was fine until around midnite. :)

Last night...made Evan's calls to his students in the car on the way to the CSz show, as is my usual practice. For some reason, we never seem to get to it earlier in the day.

Helped work the door for CSz. Said silly things to people and made them laugh as I showed them to their seats. Evan did sound and I sat in the booth and watched.
Didn't stay to hang out with everyone, stopped off for fast food on the way home and they completely screwed up my order, which I didn't realize until we were already at home. Dammit. I was really irritated. My last meal for at least 24 hours. I can't eat in this state. (Not Texas, my state of mind. Oh, you knew that? Ok.)

Went to bed after 1 AM, and I couldn't sleep. Couldn't turn off my brain for just a few minutes. I'm going over my set in my head. Does this joke flow into that one? Should I try anything different, or stick with what I know hits? What am I going to wear? Got up at 2:30 and hit the couch. Turned on the tv and found the "Dead Zone" - the movie, not the series. I dozed off finally for a few minutes, them my daughter comes in and wakes me up. Can she have a ride at 6 AM to work? Sure, but could you have woken me up closer to departure time? I just fell asleep! Dammit! So I'm awake again, it's 4 AM and the X-Files is on. I used to love that show. I'm watching, I start to drift off again, and my roommate comes in asks me if I have any antacid. Geez, just because I'm on the couch doesn't mean you should talk to me. I'm asleep! No, I don't have any fucking antacid, and now I'm awake - AGAIN! So he runs off and leaves me to my insomnia. I did fall asleep from then until about 5:45, when my daughter woke me up for that ride I promised in my coma-like state. Fumbled around pointlessly for clothes, searched Evan's pockets for the car key, drive the teenager to work. Now I'm fully awake, and I'm thinking about coffee. But, seeing as I was still in my pajamas, there was no way I would be exiting the vehicle. I could just make some at home later. Yeah, I'll just go home and go back to sleep for a while.

Back at home, 6:30 AM. I climb back into bed. Try to get comfortable and relax. Fall asleep at 7. Alarm goes off at 8 AM, and at this point I've all but given up on getting any sleep at all. Time to get Evan up for class. But I also have to get up and tend to things before he leaves.

Where are my glasses, honey?
They're in the car.
Did you get my uniforms to wash?
Yes, dear.
Where's my shirt?
Should be in the drawer, hon.
Thanks, babe. You're awesome. I love you.
Love you too, I'm going back to sleep now.

He's gone. It's 9 AM. Should I even try? I'm so tired. I just need a few hours, just 2 even, that would be great. Yeah, sleep now, get up at 11 or so, have coffee, start going over my set. So I get back into bed, one last time. And the phone rings. It's one of Evan's students who I'd left a message for the previous evening. He's lost and forgot the address of where he's supposed to be. Grrrr. Then another student calls to say she won't be making the class today and that she rescheduled for next week. Fine. No problem.

No point. I get up. I go into the kitchen to make coffee. Yay, coffee. But then I realized that I'm out of milk, and I seriously cannot drink coffee without it. Damn. So I have some Dr. Pepper instead. Not the same. Receive a few more phone calls, start to realize how truly freaked out I am about my set for tonite, call Seth frantically to ask if I'm still funny. Luckily, he's nervous too. Good. It's not just me. And yes, I'm still funny. Ann Marie called and we chatted for a while. She called to ask if their son should attend the show tonite. I really don't think he would ever look at me the same if he did. And the therapy bills, forget about it. So that was a 'no'. I make no apologies for my blue humor. But I don't want to traumatize anyone's kids. Then Evan called to see if I was ok, because he knows how I get. Yes, I'm fine. Have I eaten? No, I'll eat later. Yeah right.

It's nearly 3 PM right now. I have yet to get prepared. I have not eaten. I think I've figured out what I'm wearing. I feel a little better after talking to Evan and Seth. But I really wish I had some coffee.

It will be a great show, in spite of my neurosis. :)

Mixed bag

First off, some friends of ours think that I’m upset with them. I assure you, I am not. Not that I was ready to deal with the situation, but I can’t live in denial forever. You know I love you guys. Thanks. Working up the nerve to start that discussion. Gulp.

My oldest daughter informed me yesterday that she’s moving out. I’ve waited for this moment for a long time, and I always thought that I’d be ok with it. In fact, I thought I would be happy, even relieved. Well, much to my surprise, I’m not as ok with it as I thought. She’s been a pain in the ass for years, yes, but she’s still my daughter.

Six months away from turning 18. She’ll be graduating early, probably in the fall, and she’s quite set on getting out on her own. If she’s ready, I guess I’ll have to be. I have very mixed feelings about this turn of events.

I have yet to write a set list for my show this weekend. I’ll probably wait until the last minute, as I’m superstitious about being overly prepared. In fact, for my first paying gig last June, I was still memorizing my set in the car on the way to the club. My friend Wendy was quizzing me all the way. Seth and I had spent the previous evening together going over notes and preparing what we would be doing the for the show. I remember Evan coming over to hang out that nite, but I was distracted and nervous and probably not the best hostess. (That's back when we were just 'friends', remember that? Friends who were sleeping together, but whatever.) I think he found it somewhat interesting, to see the inner workings of the stand-up comic mind. Very different from improv. But he's always been supportive and encouraging, which I appreciate so very much.

I have a second interview with the kick-ass company on Wednesday, cross your fingers, this one sounds promising. And of course we have open mic that nite as well. I need the practice. God do I need the practice.