Wow! I have nothing to say! Wait, yes I do.

Howdy bloggers. Um, yeah. I really shouldn't write when I have PMS. I'm just sayin'. But everything I said about the contest is true, I stand by it. Fuck 'em. I have so many friends competing in this thing. I guess they can all just do their best, and hope for a few laughs.

I won't be covering the whole contest for the Examiner, since the Improv has effectively ignored my emails. I plan to attend the semi-finals and the final, and I'll write about the winners - and I'm doing this for the comics, not for the Improv. Again, they can kiss my ass.

Moving on. New pic. You like? This lady is such a great photographer, do check out her work:

http://dbird33.exposuremanager.com.

I did have some issues with my order, but she cleared it all up and was very nice about the whole thing.

My next two shows, in case you were wondering, are as follows:

Saturday, February 27th - Taste of the Islands in Plano.

$3 cover. Awesome menu. Come at 8 for dinner, show starts at 9.

Friday, March 5th - It's a Grind, Deep Ellum.

I'll be involved in yet another ArtLoveMagic event. And I couldn't be happier. :)

I am officially a part of their history now, being the first comedian to perform at one of their events. This is just the nicest bunch of folks you'd ever want to meet, and I'm eternally grateful to the awesome Jill for letting me tag along.

We're coming to the close of the second month of 2010. My 'dating' record for the month is at an all-time low, with only one this month. That's down from 3 in January. And why am I telling you this? lol. Still hoping to meet a decent guy who's not a douchebag. I'll let you know when that happens.

The bass player. Ugh. Speaking of douche bags....I finally told him to stop calling me. I told him that I didn't care about his problems anymore, particularly where they concern his love life, and that I have my own things to deal with right now. So of course, he ignored everything I said and called again the next day. Now I stop answering the phone. Maybe he'll get the hint.

That's it for now. My head hurts. Kthxbye.

And this is supposed to be funny?

I'm venting today.

It seems we have our very own version of the scam known as "Last Comic Standing" right here in Dallas, in the form of the Improv's "Funniest Comic in Texas". I have a few problems with this, and I'll tell you why. (I wouldn't dare write about this on my Examiner page, for fear of being alienated by, um, people who don't pay any attention to me anyway, but I figure it's safe here as my readership is a bit lower!) I'm not participating in the contest, as I believe it's bullshit, and I don't need a contest to tell me I'm funny. The audiences who've seen and loved me tell me that. So here are my issues:

1. How can you have a "Funniest Comic in Texas" contest that only encompasses the D/FW area and Houston? And Houston, by the way, is hosting one whopping single show in the group of 30-plus shows that are coming up over the next several months. At the very least, they could have called it "Funniest Comic in North Texas", or something more fitting. What about Austin? San Antonio? Corpus? I know there are some damn funny people there! (It should be noted that South Texas has it's own version, dubbed, get this, "Funniest Person in South Texas". They get it, why can't we?) . I would do it differently. But they didn't ask me. Maybe the Improv could get together nationally and host something, and bring people from each state where they have a club in for a big, final competition. They have tons of clubs, and could work with other clubs in cities where they don't have a presence. I'm just sayin'.

2. I have heard from no less than 5 comics about their performance dates being changed, once for some, more than once for others. I'm sure they weren't the only ones. When you're trying to get people to come see you, it's difficult if they keep changing your date! Especially if you, as one friend of mine did, get bumped 3 months down the road. They are ridiculously unorganized. I put on a "Funniest Person in Dallas" contest in 2005, pretty much single-handedly, and there was no confusion, no drama, no moving people around unless they were ill or had an emergency. It went smoothly. Granted, I was only dealing with about 75-80 comics, compared to the 250+ that are in this one, but it's really not that hard to organize something like this if you know what you're doing. Apparently, they don't.

3. There are far too many 'heavy hitters' in this contest - i.e. professionals. Not that they should be excluded completely, but a newbie going up against a seasoned pro is like a high school football player trying to beat an NFL star. It ain't gonna be pretty. There should be different levels - amateur, semi-pro, and pro, and each gets a title. It's really not fair to put these new kids up against touring headliners.

4. I have this info from several credible sources - last year's contest was fixed. That's right, I said it. Fixed. I certainly don't begrudge the winner, because everyone in the Dallas comedy scene knows that Paul is funny, and we all love him. He's a good guy. But he received fewer votes to move forward than a lesser known comic, according to my sources, and the club manager made that go away. That's not right. I'm not saying the winner had any knowledge of this, but it's quite obvious that the Improv plays favorites, and that's just flat out unfair to all these comics who actually think they have a shot at winning this thing. Fuck that.

5. I contacted the Improv before the contest started, asking if they would support me in my coverage of the contest for The Examiner. No response. And not surprising.

To their credit, the voting process at the Improv is not what I thought it was going to be. Instead of everyone in the audience getting a vote, they are choosing random people who get the ballots. That way, if you stack the room with 20 people on your performance night, not all 20 are going to get a vote. That's actually much more fair than I expected.

But in the end, the Improv will choose their favorite, and it has little or nothing to do with how talented you are, or how funny you are. Apparently, it's all about who they like and who can kiss the most ass.

What's up?

Good morning, all! Just a few blurbs and you can get back to your coffee.

The awesome Jill has made me a website. Yep, I have my very own page in the cyberworld! Check it, yo:

http://www.jennhoff.com/

Great weekend. Had a freaking fantastic show at ArtLoveMagic on Friday nite. I was the first comedian to ever perform at one of their events, and they loved me! Oh, it was so great. The folks who run it beamed like proud parents. It was quite extraordinary. Also, I was sober, and I only dropped the F bomb once! A milestone for Jenn Fucking Hoff! Oops, there it is again. They mentioned me in their blog here: http://artlovemagic.wordpress.com/

Watch for my Slam Book, coming soon. Jill and I are creating a home-made booklet of funny little things, including omelette and cake recipes, my hangover cure, and the Domestic Violence hotline number. (If you've seen my act, you'll understand. If not, why haven't you?) I'll be selling them for a buck at my upcoming shows.

Speaking of upcoming shows....I'm doing the "Momedy" Show at the Black Finn in Addison on February 18th. I'll probably also be back at Taste of the Islands in Plano at the end of the month. (Last Saturday, I'll let you know for sure.)

Had lunch with the very tall, the very good looking Ted on Saturday. (My daughter says he is the best looking guy she's ever seen me with, lol.) We met back in November but have both been super busy since and haven't gotten together. He says that he thinks I like being single, and he expects that I will stay that way. I think he's right. I do love being single. Men require too much time and attention. A boyfriend would intrude on my alone time, my space, my freedom. And we just can't have that.

Love you all and thanks for reading!

Coffee and Comedy

Howdy folks! I am super psyched and honored to be performing at the ArtLoveMagic event tomorrow nite in Deep Ellum at It's a Grind Coffee House! Freaking sweet. Show starts at 7:30 PM. As far as I know, I'll be the only comedian going up. The other performers include musicians and poets. What a cool deal. And they make an awesome mint mocha.

Also, if you haven't subscribed to my Examiner page, why the hell not? It's free, and you'll only get an email when I post a new article. Do it. Please. Don't make me beg. Here's my latest:

http://www.examiner.com/x-35781-Dallas-StandUp-Comedy-Examiner~y2010m2d1-Funniest-Comic-in-Texas-2010-kicks-off-February-9th-at-the-AddisonArlington-Improv-Comedy-Clubs

Odds and Ends

My daughter came storming into my room yesterday morning, very angry with her boyfriend. She was upset that he's not sympathetic to her, in any situation.

"Sweetie, men who are sympathetic to women are called 'homosexuals'."

She said, "But I don't want to date a gay guy!"

Ha. Me neither.

The awesome Jill texted me yesterday and gave a perfect explanation for my perpetual singleness:

"I know what the problem is. You're so gorgeous that you scramble men's brains and make them stupid....but not quite enough to render them speechless."

LMAO.
If only I could find a hot, mute guy. Yeah.

They like me. They really like me.

Happy Monday and good morning, all. I'm tired today, as I worked on Saturday, but no worries.

Let's see what's happening in JennWorld. Had a great show in Plano Saturday nite at Taste of the Islands. I had 15 people show up to see me. Freaking sweet! I didn't know I had that many friends! Surprise! It was awesome. Jill was there. My nieces came. A couple of the MPIII people. Several co-workers. A couple of friends who brought other friends. It was pretty freaking amazing.

It was a good show. Everyone had a good set, and the place was packed! (Thanks to my friends, mostly.) The guy who headlined stiffed me on the money, but hey, we all know I don't do comedy for the money, right? lol.

Haven't heard from my favorite boy in 4 weeks. I'm a little worried. I'm sure he's fine. Bass player called me this weekend. He was actually sober for a change. I think I'm done with both of them.

This will be the year that I meet someone who's not a complete tool. Seriously. I have high hopes. (Remind me of this positive attitude in December when I still haven't met anyone worth mentioning.)

Oh, and my nieces think I should get back together with my ex-husband. That's sweet. And always an option.

My medical stuff - I've been diagnosed with Endometriosis. I need to have surgery, but I have to come up with $1000 before they will do it. Fucking ridiculous. I'm not ready for the 'big H', so I'm having a simpler procedure done called 'ablation', which will only take me down for a couple of days, much to the happiness of my boss. In the meantime, my doc won't call me in anything stronger than Tylenol #3 for pain, and that makes me vomit. Thankfully, the doctor's group I work with at my job called in something for me, and I think I'm gonna be fine until the surgery, which won't happen until mid-March. I am very thankful for these people and these meds!

That is all for now. Please drive through.