Blah, blah, blah

I truly hate no having the internet at home.

Update.

Still love the job. I'm doing stand up again, yay! Monday nites at the Dyer Street Bar in Dallas, off Greenville Ave. Easy to find, hit me up for directions. Free cover, show starts at 9.

I've also been spending time at a hippie drum circle on Wednesday nites at the Across the Street Bar. So much fun.

I'm sick of meeting men who are married or otherwise attached, or alcoholics. Single? Yes, please. Another recent disappointment has me soured on the whole man/woman relationship thing. Dammit. He was so great. Fucker. Why do they have to lie? Why?

I've lost more weight. I'm looking great and I get hit on all the time. My funny is an aphrodisiac.

I'm in a shitty mood today so that's it for now. Love ya.

Only have a moment...

But I didn't want to forget to mention some stuff.

Most interesting customer(s) of the week: I had a couple who were Peacecorp volunteers working in Honduras, teaching health and English. They were lovely.

Gotta give props to Oprah. Apparently, she has featured some very nice, um, personal massagers/caketoppers, on her show recently. We happen to carry them both at my store.

First, the Lelo. These things are like the Louis Vuitton of vibrators. Caketoppers I mean! Argh! Rechargeable, wireless, waterproof, and they have a 1 year warranty. It's a very nice product.

Second, the We-Vibe. Smaller than the Lelo, but offers the same amenities.

And when you tell a woman that it was featured on Oprah, she buys it. Doesn't matter that they are both over $100 each. Oprah knows her caketoppers. Um, vibrators. Dammit! I'm so confused. But I sold 4 of them tonite. Go me.

Freak of the Week

I was working at my regular store on Sunday nite and things were going really well. My sales were awesome and the majority of the customers were awesome.

Yeah, the majority.

As I was finishing up a sale with a lady, this guy comes in. I acknowledged him within a few seconds (15 seconds is the rule you see), and told him I'd be with him in a moment. He headed over to the 'inflatable love doll' section. (Why do they all look so surprised? I digress.)

So I walked over to him when I was done with the other customer and asked if he needed assistance. He started asking me how the blow-up girls are, and as I was going thru the various prices, I looked down.

I never should have looked down.

This man, this gross, disgusting man, had his johnson in his hand and was going to town.

Yes, he was masturbating in my store, right in front of me.

Oh. My. God. I am rarely speechless, we all know this. But for the life of me, at that moment, I couldn't think of anything to say! I got my bearings asked him to leave the store, which he did, without an argument. But I was a bit rattled, that's for sure.

And you know, it's never the hot guy who wants to show you his junk in public. Oh, no. It's the homeless crackhead with a speech impediment.

Maybe if he'd been cute, I wouldn't have been so offended.