TV guide

I caught a few minutes of the sitcom, "Two and a Half Men" over the weekend, with Charlie Sheen and John Cryer - who I loved in the 80's - and I thought, "Wow, the writer's strike sure is evident on this show!"

Then I checked and saw that it was a rerun.

Charlie Sheen playing an oversexed, 40-ish man-pig - not funny.
Et tu, John Cryer? Shame on you. You can do better than that.
I'm so disappointed to see things like this. And people are getting paid to make it. Ick.

The only show I *love* at the moment? Pushing Daisies. I can't say enough good things about this show, and I have NO ONE to talk to about it! No one I know watches it. It's such a sweet, funny, creative show. The writing is amazing. The whole premise is brilliant. And - they featured a song by "They Might Be Giants" in one of the episodes, which I thought was way cool.
Let me know if you've seen it. I'm going to search for online fans. I seriously haven't been this excited about a tv show in a very long time.

And, on a side note...this show inspired me to write -and, I don't want to jinx it, but...I think I've completed the first draft of the play I started writing 2 years ago. I'm going to read thru it one more time - and then I'll edit and get a second opinion.

Laptop computer and accessories for Emily - $400.00

Xbox 360 and Guitar Hero II for the boy - $300.00

Being called the coolest mom ever - priceless.

The facts are these:
* The kids had a good Christmas.
* I suck really bad at Guitar Hero.
* I am indeed the coolest mom ever, in spite of my lack of musical video game talent.

Well, it's Friday. And as of 4 PM today, I am looking at a 4-day weekend. Yes!

I have to finish my shopping tomorrow. I hate waiting until the last minute, but that's how I roll.

And instead of writing something negative, because there are some folks out there who don't appreciate my bluntness, I will post the lyrics to my favorite Christmas song of all time. It's from the 80's, and I've loved it since the first time I heard it in junior high.

Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses

"Bah, humbug!" No, that's too strong
'Cause it is my favorite holiday
But all this year's been a busy blur
Don't think I have the energy

To add to my already mad rush
Just 'cause it's 'tis the season.
The perfect gift for me would be
Completions and connections left from...

Last year, ski shop,
Encounter, most interesting.
Had his number but never the time
Most of '81 passed along those lines.

So deck those halls, trim those trees
Raise up cups of Christmas cheer,
I just need to catch my breath,
Christmas by myself this year.

Calendar picture, frozen landscape,
Chilled this room for twenty-four days,
Evergreens, sparkling snow
Get this winter over with!

Flashback to springtime, saw him again,
Would've been good to go for lunch,
Couldn't agree when we were both free,
We tried, we said we'd keep in touch.

Didn't, of course, 'til summertime,
Out to the beach to his boat could I join him?
No, this time it was me,
Sunburn in the third degree.
Now the calendar's just one page
And, of course, I am excited
Tonight's the night, but I've set my mind
Not to do too much about it.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.

Hardly dashing through the snow
Cause I bundled up too tight
Last minute have-to-do's
A few cards a few calls
'Cause it's r-s-v-p, No thanks, no party lights
It's Christmas Eve, gonna relax
Turned down all of my invites.

Last fall I had a night to myself,
Same guy called, halloween party,
Waited all night for him to show,
This time his car wouldn't go,
Forget it, it's cold, it's getting late,
Trudge on home to celebrate
In a quiet way, unwind
Doing Christmas right this time.

A&P has its proivded me
With the world's smallest turkey
Already in the oven, nice and hot
Oh damn! Guess what I forgot?

So on with the boots, back out in the snow
To the only all-night grocery,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
In the line is that guy I've been chasing all year!
"I'm spending this one alone," he said.
"Need a break; this year's been crazy."
I said, "Me too, but why are you? You mean you forgot cranberries too?"

Then suddenly we laughed and laughed
Caught on to what was happening
That Christmas magic's brought this tale
To a very happy ending!

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Couldn't miss this one this year!
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Couldn't miss this one this year!

Victim, my victim

I have to say, I'm awfully proud of that joke. And I've got a whole set list to go with it. I can't wait to try it out.

I told the ex my joke. He wasn't quite as amused as I. But everyone else I've told it to thought it was good. There's just no accounting for taste with some people.

I wrote a couple of jokes about him when we were together, and he didn't mind those. I'm not sure if it's the extreme awful place that joke came from - or if he really feels that he did nothing wrong. He said that I'm playing the victim really well.

Victim? ME?

Oh, hell no. I don't see myself as a victim - I believe that every experience makes us stronger, and that things happen for a reason - even the bad things. And I think I came out of this ok. I'm happy, I'm not stressed out daily, and I don't feel rejected or unwanted.

Was I perfect in this relationship? No. I never really saw him as a 'partner'. I didn't involve him in every decision. I didn't always tell the truth when it came to money. I did my own thing a lot of the time, especially when it came to my kids. I was extremely jealous. I was insanely insecure. There were good reasons for those last two, but he would disagree. So no, I wasn't perfect. But I was good to him, overall. I did everything for him. I suppose he had his moments too. But I always felt second best. I always felt like the runner-up - I believe he used those words to describe me to someone. I always felt like 'transition girl' - it was just a very long transition.

But just to set the record straight - yes, I provoked him. Of course I did. We were out at one of his shows, and something set me off, although I don't remember what it was. I had a few drinks, we fought all the way home, and it continued. I should have just let it go and gone off to bed, but no, I was feeling confrontational. We yelled and screamed at each other, things were thrown (by him), things were broken (by him). It was really the worst I'd ever seen him, anger-wise, although I seemed to have a knack of bringing out the very worst in him.

He was trying to leave. I got in his face. I pushed him. And that's when he hit me and knocked me down. He freaked out and started saying, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" - and I cowered up against the patio door and told him to get out.

I think the few people who got involved that night totally lost all respect for me when I took him back. And I lost a little respect for myself. I don't know what was going on in my crazy girl brain that said, "This is worth fighting for." He was extra nice to me after that - for about a week. Then things pretty much went back to normal. He blames my drinking for what happened that nite. Funny though, I only drank excessively to stop feeling so sad about our relationship. I don't feel the need to consume large amounts of alcohol anymore. Go figure.

We had many other problems - problems far too personal to discuss here. Bottom line: I wasn't happy, and we were toxic to each other.

I can't believe he didn't like that joke.

My new opening joke

So I broke up with my boyfriend recently. You probably think I'm going to bash him and say a lot of bad things about him, but I'm not. He actually taught me a lot of things.

He taught me how to play poker.
How to make an omelette.
How to take a punch.

I know, I can't believe it either!
I never thought I'd be able to make an omelette!


There ya go. Proof once again that comedy absolutely comes from tragedy. :)

I walked a mile today. It was pretty awesome.

Dear Diary...

While I was on the bus today, I realized that my diary from 2006 was in my bag, so I decided to read thru. It covered 9 months of that year, from January to September.

And you know what the running theme was throughout the pages? I was very unhappy. He was very mean. And I was stressed and sad almost daily over our relationship.

It wasn't a fun read, but it was cathartic.

I read about all the times he was late picking me up, or late coming home. I read about how often he rejected me, and how awful I felt. How he spent more time with other people than with me. How he refused to say "I love you". I read about the many times that I asked him, practically begged him, to give up the goddam video games, for just one nite, and not stay up until the wee hours of the morning, leaving me to sleep alone. And those entries were always followed by 'Well, he did it again.'

He blamed ADD for most of these things. I blame ASS.

The last entry was made on the nite that he hit me. I guess I lost my urge to write after that.

O unholy nite....

I went to Hyena's to do open mic last nite. My buddy Jeff came to town and dragged me out of the house. I needed that. Thanks, Jeff.

Things were going ok when the show started, but right in the middle of the 3rd comic's set, you wouldn't believe what happened....

"Cheaters" showed up! OMG. I have never laughed so hard in all my life. People got out their camera phones and were standing on tables to take pictures of the whole mess. Joey Greco was there, in all his 5 foot tall, douchebag glory. (Emily and I call his little gay-looking beard a 'Douche Patch'.)

How the hell do you follow that? I mean, we all know the show is fake, but a bruhaha of that nature sure distracts you from anything else going on!

I went up number 14. I had a decent set. I wouldn't say I killed, but I did ok. Of course, we lost half of our audience early on, but the small group of people who stayed at least seemed to be paying attention.

What a nite.

The best part of the evening - well, besides seeing the Cheater's crew and being onstage again - was seeing so many people who I haven't seen in months. Actually, it's been more than a year since I'd seen some folks. There were lots of hugs and smiles and it really made me remember why I started doing comedy to begin with.

It's good to be back.

The perfect song

"Good Day"

So you don't want to hear about my good song?
And you don't want to hear about how i am getting on
With all the things that i can get done
The sun is in the sky & i am by my lonesome

So you don't want to hear about my good day?
You have better things to do than to hear me say...

God it's been a lovely day! everything's been going my way
I took out the trash today and i'm on fire...

So you don't want to hear about my good friends?
You don't have the guts to take the truth or consequence
Success is in the eye of the beholder
And it's looking even better over your cold shoulder

I'm not suggesting you get to line me up for questioning
But Jesus think about the bridges you are burning
And i'm betting
That even though you knew it from the start
You'd rather be a bitch than be an ordinary broken heart

So go ahead and talk about your bad day...
I want all the details of the pain and misery
That you are inflicting on the others
I consider them my sisters and I want their numbers!

God it's been a lovely day! everything's been going my way
I took up croquet today and i'm on fire

I picked up the pieces of my broken ego
I have finally made my peace as far as you and me go
But i'd love to have you up to see the place
& i'd like to do more than survive - i'd like to rub it in your face.....

Hey! it's been a lovely day! everything's been going my way
I had so much fun today and i'm on fire
God it's been a lovely day everything's been going my way
Ever since you went away hey i'm on fire.....I'm on fire...I'm on fire...
So you don't want to hear about my good day?

-Dresden Dolls