Does this look funny to you?

Being an amateur comic is not always a lot of fun. I thought it would be, and in the beginning it was. But it's since lost a great deal of its charm. Turns out it's really a lot of work. Dammit.

(I say 'amateur'; The deciding factor between being an amateur and a professional is whether or not you have been paid. Well, I have been given exactly $9.00, 6 glasses of Chardonnay and a free eye-brow wax for doing comedy. Not sure if that counts, but I'm getting there.)

You go to open mics, night after night, week after week. Performing mostly for other comics who have probably seen your act at least a hundred times. They don't think you're funny. Sometimes, if you're lucky, there will be a few people observing the show, and they just might laugh if you get their attention. I wouldn't go so far as to call them an audience - usually friends or family of other comics - but they are filling seats. I find it easier to perform if a room isn't completely empty. You give me 4 or 5 people, and I'll get some laughs.

Every week I host my crappy little open mic. And every week, the comics show up, and they are either heckled or ignored. I feel bad about it, but there's very little I can do to make people pay attention in a bar. They don't come there to hear comedy, they come to drink and play pool and watch sports. Maybe we should hold basketballs while we tell jokes.

So, to all those comics who show up at my room, week after week, I say a heartfelt "thanks" for hanging in there. I'm happy to provide a place for us all to work out new material, even if it's often more painful than it should be. And although it may never get any better, it couldn't possibly get much worse. Maybe this week the men's restroom will be working.

I always wanted to be an entertainer. What was I thinking?

Idol Chatter

Paula Abdul. To spend 24 hours in that head of hers. I don't mean to poke fun, but what the hell. Here are some quotes from her today, discussing her 'secret' illness.

"I want America to know that I have never ever been addicted to anything," the "Idol" judge explains. "No chemical dependency. I have never taken anything for recreation or for my injuries."
E! Online, 4-21-05

The pain got worse after "a couple of car accidents" in the 1980s and a plane crash in 1992, which led to seizures, bulimia and depression, she says. In search of relief, Abdul had 12 operations and used medications she says left her so "loopy" that she chose to live with the pain.
USA Today, 4-21-05

Alrighty….first she says she NEVER took anything, then she says she did, but stopped. Hmm. Sounds very Whitney Houston-esque to me. I recall Ms. Houston denying her addictions all the way to the clinic.

Ok, so if Ms. Abdul really has a disorder, as was referenced in these online articles, then my apologies. But, I have this need to call bullshit. No amount of anti-inflammatory meds or crazy excruciating pain will make you slur your speech, or dance on tables, or try to make out with Simon. Maybe she was just drunk. Either way, if she ends up at Betty Ford in 6 months, I called it.

Odd side note – when I was doing a search for Paula items on Google today, I kept getting drug rehab pop-ups. Coincidence? Now that’s funny.

Feeling bitchy today,
jenn

Could I get a receipt for that donut?

I'm sad today. My favorite comedian, Mitch Hedberg, has died at the age of 37. http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/headline/features/3112640
When I heard the news on the radio yesterday, I burst into tears and had to pull over. He was my age. He was a comic genius, and he will be missed.

I was saddened when we lost other comics - Chris Farley, Phil Hartman, Rodney Dangerfield. But it feels more personal with Mitch. When I was an open miker at the Laff Stop in Houston (http://www.laffstop.com/), he was a frequent headliner. Everybody loved Mitch. Not only was he a great comic, he was a nice guy. He didn't know me, but I sure knew who he was. I performed on that same stage - ok, it was only one time, during a contest, but still. I just saw him at the Improv less than a year ago, and what a great show that was. He was brilliant, absolutely fucking brilliant.

I'm starting to tear up again, so I'll leave you with one of my favorite Mitch quotes.

"I bought a donut and the guy gave me a recieipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for the donut, I give you the money, you give me the donut, end of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I can not imagine the senerio where I would have to prove that I bought a donut. Some skeptical friend. Don't even act like I didn't get that donut. I got the documentation right here. "

RIP, Mitch.