Life is good.

No really, it is!

I may not have everything I want in life, but I have everything I need.

Had a good weekend. Met my son's girlfriend, we had lunch. They are very cute together.

I'm helping Jill get one of their houses ready to sell. Which makes me sad because that means she really is leaving for Portland in the fall. It's all becoming very real. I'm gonna miss her like crazy.

Performed at Taste of the Islands Saturday nite. I wasn't on the schedule, but someone cancelled at the last minute. Luckily I was in the area, having just been to see Jill perfrom with the Motley Players at the Plano Children's Theater. Her show was good. Mine was ok. I wasn't really prepared, but I did fine. Got to hang out with some comedians that I actually like, and my son got to see two comedy shows in one night, and hang out with semi-famous people! My kids are so unaffected by it all.

Hung out with Jason last nite. We got drunk and went to open mic at Hyena's. I didn't go up. Wasn't really feeling it. Have a date with The Very Good Looking Ted tonite. Open mic on Tuesday, a show on Saturday, Hyena's the following weekend. Busy. Happy. Tired. Hungry. Happy Monday!

How Jenn Got Her Groove Back

Step 1 – Buy awesome vehicle for personal transportation.

Step 2 – Delete all boys from my phone who fail the ‘Jenn 2-day Rule’*.

Step 3 – Meet cute 25 year-old at bar and take him home.

Step 1 - So yes, I am now the proud owner of a 2004 Honda Element. It’s pretty awesome. I feel very tall driving it. My friend Josh who died in 2008 drove one of these, so I have named my new Silver box “Joshua”.

I have not bought a car from a dealership in many years. The experience was much as I remembered it – unpleasant. But it all worked out. Mucho thanks to Jill for driving me around and helping me hound these salesmen. We actually had fun messing with their heads. And I got a good deal. All is well.

Step 2 - The ‘Jenn 2-day Rule’ – this rule applies to all boys in my life who have been, um, physically involved with me at one time or another, and it’s quite simple: if I call or text you, and you don’t respond within 2 days, you are deleted from my phone. I realize that I’m just a booty call to the majority of those effected, but geez, a little courtesy is all I ask. Is that too much? Apparently. Several boys’ numbers have been lost this year. (This method is also good for avoiding the dreaded ‘drunk texting’. I’m bad about that.)

Step 3 – Well, um, that’s kinda self-explanatory. But that’s how I roll. And I didn’t get his phone number.

Catsup.

Hello bloggers. I hope this day finds you well. Ha, that was kinda funny. What? Nevermind.

So let’s catch up, shall we? Last week was pretty awful. It started off ok on Sunday. Had a good set at Hyena’s open mic, got to hang out with Jill, and then Jason came over to visit, we had a nice chat. It was a good nite. Monday was ok, but Tuesday morning I found myself unable to get out of bed. This pain I’m having is really taking its toll on me. It affects me not only physically, but emotionally as well. I have several days a month where I just feel worthless. And it doesn’t matter how many great things are going on in my life, I still feel like hell. And then I got a super sexy sinus infection on top of the pain, so that made for a really shitty week. I missed 2.5 days of work, and my boss was not happy. She’s very understanding, in spite of everything, but I realize that she just needs me to be there and be healthy. That’s really what we all want. Sometimes it’s hard to be so important. It’s a lot of pressure.

I started feeling better Saturday evening, thanks to Jill. She came over Friday and brought me medicine and chocolate and food. What a great friend she is. I began my Spring cleaning by tackling my closet. Yikes. I have a lot of crap that I don’t need, and a lot of clothes that I can’t wear anymore.

My friend Sean is staying with me for a little while. He’s had a bit of bad luck in the finances department, and I sure know how that can be, so I told him he could crash on my couch. It works out because he’s been kind enough to get me to some shows and to the grocery store when needed. My daughter isn’t too happy about it, but it’s only for a little while. I’ve been in his shoes, I couldn’t possibly have said no, especially when no one else was in a position to help him right now. Stupid economy.

We got pulled over for being white last nite. We were coming back from the grocery store around 10 PM when a lovely Dallas cop pulled us over. His registration is out on his car, but I’m not certain they actually saw that in the dark, and they weren’t behind us long enough to run his plate. In fact, I thought they were after someone else because they got up really close to the car to our right. But hey, we’re a couple of white folks, in a nice mustang, driving around in the hood after dark. Obviously, we were up to no good! We were approached on both sides of the car with the standard loud tap on the window. I get really nervous around cops. They make me feel like a criminal even though I’ve done nothing wrong. I get all over-talky and goofy and I look guilty. Sean started to freak because he wasn’t sure if he had an outstanding warrant on a speeding ticket. He did. But, thankfully, the cop who was driving was training his partner, so they just wrote him a ticket for the expired tag and told him to take care of the ticket . Phew. I was a bit freaked out and scared. Plus, if they had taken him to jail, how the hell would I have carried all of those groceries up 3 flights of stairs by myself? Lol. No, I’m not really like that. Well, maybe a little.

Oh, yeah, remember that guy I told you about who was so great and perfect for me? Um, yeah. He’s not so great afterall. At this point I’m not even surprised. There was only one thing standing in the way of our perfect relationship – his wife. Hmph. Same old story, he’s ‘in the process of getting a divorce’ – but they still live in the same house. I’m not down for that kind of drama. I deserve better. Fuck yes I do. Sigh.

So I remain single, as always. Jason and I are back in the ‘friend zone’, which is actually kinda cool, because as Jill pointed out, it’s nice that we can be friends and that he doesn’t just want me for a booty call. I like our friendship, I like hanging out with him. He’s funny and he makes me laugh. I met him on the night I returned to comedy in January of 2009, many months after my friend Josh’s death and my subsequent hiatus from, well, everything. I don’t want to say he’s ‘special’, but I’m glad to have him as a friend. I’m hoping that he’ll help me write my pilot. He can write, he’s good. We’ll see how it goes.

I’m happy with where I am in comedy, I'm very glad I got back to it last year. And I’m glad that I didn’t get where I am by ass-kissing, sleeping around or being a club owner’s lacky. I get booked because I’m funny, I’m easy to work with, I’m nice, and audiences of all kinds love me. That’s a damn good feeling.

I need to lose some weight. I’m ready to get serious about it again. I’m going to start walking a few nites a week, now that the weather isn’t blizzard-like. I like that I live close to the lake. I may even buy myself some roller skates and skate around the lake! But tonite, I’m making a very fattening, very delicious Beef Stroganoff. Yummy.

And, the best news of all – hopefully within the next 2 weeks, I will have a CAR! WOOT! I got my income tax refund. Uncle Sam was good to me this year. I have to pay some towards my surgery, take care of a few issues and get my license renewed, but after that, I’m ready to roll! How sweet will that be?

Oh, and my son finally got to see me perform in front of an audience at the ArtLoveMagic event on March 5th. Poor kid. He may never be the same.

I have shows every weekend starting March 27th. Check my website for locations and times, and come see me, why don’t you? Life is good. Good job, good jokes, good friends, great family. Love you all. Hugs and kisses!

Men. When will they stop being stupid?

Dear male friend who hurt my very dear female friend:


I know you don't read this. And that's good. I'm going to yell at you in person, worry not. You are a tool, of the highest order. I don't know what else to say. I honestly thought you weren't like the other ridiculously immature and damaged men that we encounter so very often.

I'm so angry and so surprised that you're not what I thought you were. I'm picky in my selection of friends, espcecially of the male varitey. I don't understand what you were thinking. You fucking douche. Next time I see you, expect an unpleasant reception.

Women are such givers. We give til it hurts. And no matter how old we get, how educated we are, or how many times we've been through all of this before, we take a chance, and try again, and go through it all over. And it hurts. And it sucks.

But at least we keep trying. We don't give up, even though the outcomes are rarely what we hope for. We keep trying. We keep giving. And that's what makes us so damn special.

I don't think I could possibly be any angrier with this person. Even if I were the one on the receiving end of the deceit. I expect men to lie to me, to be deceitful and selfish and heartless. I expect it! How awful is that? But I hope for better things for and from my friends.

Fuck you, dude. Seriously.

Saturday, in the office

No, it's not the 4th of July. And why is that song stuck in my head? I don't know. Keep up, people.

Thursday I did the showcase at Hyena's Arlington. Basically, it's an invitational open mic, and the audience gets to select their favorites for future opening and guest spots. However, since I've already been an opener, I wasn't eligible for the audience vote. But I got scheduled to do an opening weekend in April anyway! Squee!!! Come see me April 9th and 10th. 4 shows, two each nite. I'll be opening for Cesar Cervantes. And he's very funny. Although he hasn't been very nice to me. Oh well. I'll rock it out and do my thing as always.

But congrats to my friends Michelle, Jay and Larry, and new friend from Houston, Dan, for being the audience faves that nite. Very good choices all around, I would say. I met this kid, Dan Danzy when I was there. He's new to Dallas, just moved up from Houston. We know a lot of the same comedy people, so that was cool. He's super funny too. And, he raved about me on Facebook. I think I blushed a little. Hooray for new friends!

Did the ArtLoveMagic event last nite at It's a Grind. The reception was lukewarm. Not bad, not great. My closing joke was a killer, but they didn't seem to dig my dirty stuff. They can't all be gold. I'm still absolutely thrilled that they let me be a part of this. It's a wonderful group of people. My son was there. I'm not sure he'll be able to look me in the face for quite some time. Haha.

And can I just say that Jill, the most awesome chick in the world, continues to come to my shows, in spite of the fact that she pretty much loathes stand-up comedy? I can't blame her. After you sit through so many dick jokes, what's left to love? Well, me, apparently, and I appreciate your support, my friend. And you sat there and listened even though you felt like crap. Thank you. You rock and I love you.

So, the guy. Yeah, I met this guy, and he's pretty freaking awesome. He's 38, divorced, a teacher by trade, a poker player at nite. He's funny and smart and charming and, well, I'll stop there. He came to see me on Thursday nite, which may not be the best venue for a 'date'. I really couldn't sit down and talk to him much, as I was talking to, well, everyone else! I hadn't been out there in a a while. I think he was either impressed or intimidated by me. Hopefully a little both. But I told him that if he wants my undivided attention, he will have to take me on a proper date. So there. I'm kind of a big deal. :)

My surgery is scheduled for April 13th. Don't expect to hear much out of me that week. I should only be miserable for a few days. Cross your fingers. Can't say I'm looking forward to the procedure, but definitely looking forward to the results.

I'm off to play Wii with the residents at work today. They love some bowling. So do I. Then I think I'll do a little spring cleaning when I get home. My buddy Jason is back in town too. Maybe we'll hang out. Maybe I'll cook something amazing. Maybe we'll play some video games. Or watch a movie. Or listen to my awesome kids play guitar and sing. Maybe I'll stop babbling.

Maybe.

Caffeine Happiness

Happy Monday, bloggers! Look how happy this coffee makes me. The perfect mint mocha, compliments of It's a Grind in Deep Ellum. I love that place. They actually bring your coffee to your table. Talk about service!

Amazing show on Saturday at Taste of the Islands. I've been deemed 'the best host ever'. Yeah. That's right. Cuz I freaking rock. I may be performing at every show they have now, the last Saturday of the month. I'll let you know.

I hate to jinx this...but you remember me saying I hope to meet a guy who's not a complete idiot douchebag? Well, I may have met him. No details for now, I'll make you wait, but I will say this - we are disturbingly compatible. All I really want is someone who 'gets' me. That's hard to find. So very hard. But if this goes as well as I'm hoping, I'll be gushing about it all soon enough.

I don't have much else to say for now really. Just happy to be here today. Stay dry.