Goodbye to You

I feel freaking awesome today. Yes, I was up late. Yes, I drank a little at open mic, but still, this feeling of happiness and, dare I say relief, is all over me this morning. Maybe it's the coffee. No, it's definitely not the coffee. Mmm, smells like clarity.

I know I've been a downer for a while. I was upset about a quasi-relationship gone bad, as some of you know. (I say 'quasi' because apparently it was never what I thought it was.) This happens to everyone at some point, and being dumped doesn't make me special, I know this. I'm certainly not the first person to have a broken heart. I've broken a few hearts along the way myself. Karma's a bitch.

But today, I'm done.

I'm done with the drama. Oh my god, the drama. I made the mistake of trying to go into the 'friend zone' with him. We all know that never works out. In the end, it turned out badly, and I never wanted that. I just don't have it in me to be friends with a guy after a break up. Call it a weakness if you must, but I'm ok with it. So I'm done trying to be his friend. I'm done with feeling bad all the time because I didn't get what I wanted. I'm done crying about it, I'm done obsessing over it. I'm done helping him. I'm done with the arguing. I'm done with the 3 hour phone calls and the text messages and the emails. I'm done trying to keep him around, in any capacity, just so I can see him and spend time with him. I'm done dropping everything to take his calls.

And most of all, I'm done making him miserable. I think we're even. I made my point.

According to him, I made everything 'all about me' and only heard what I wanted to hear. Yeah, that's exactly how it was. Not.

Lots of people don't get what they want out of relationships. It wasn't all my fault, and I've gotta stop beating myself up. I'm an awesome chick, I know this, and I have so many wonderful things in my life. No time for the hassle of a monogamous relationship. Well, it was physically monogamous, but his head and heart were always somewhere else, and I deserve so much better than that.

This is in a way my Stuart Smalley Daily Affirmation - I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggone it, people like me. One person not liking me isn't the end of the world, cuz there are a hundred more who do.

"These last few weeks of holding on,
The days are dull, the nights are long.
Guess it's better to say
Goodbye to you."

See ya around.