Eat my Eye Shadow
Question: If Tylenol PM is supposed to make you sleepy, why am I still awake?
My oldest daughter and I (yes, Jeff, the hot one) went on a marathon shopping trip today to get her ready for school again. I don't really like to shop. I know that sounds crazy coming from a girl, but I could think of at least 12 things I would rather do than go shopping.
We went to several stores, of course, because when you're 16 years old, there is not just one, magical store that contains everything you need. God forbid you be seen shopping at the W-Mart. Blasphemy! I had to put my foot down about going to the mall though. I hate the mall even more than I hate dogs.
The one store that did me in finally was Ulta Cosmetics. First time for me there, and it was a little strange. All the girls that worked there had the exact same haircut. It was like being in the Stepford store.
But here are some new cosmetics that I just don't get: Jessica Simpson has put out a line of body sprays, lip glosses and other goodies that you can actually ingest. Her shaving cream comes with candy sprinkles. Shouldn't this stuff be sold at the adult novelty shop? So now if I get hungry, I can just chew on my hand cuz it tastes like butter toffee?
"Hey Jenn, you wanna get some lunch?"
"No, thanks, I just had some eye shadow and a side of blush."
Maybe that's how she stays so thin. I wonder where her products fall in the Weight Watchers point system?
Although I left the store smelling like cake, I still don't have the urge to make a purchase from Jessica.
My oldest daughter and I (yes, Jeff, the hot one) went on a marathon shopping trip today to get her ready for school again. I don't really like to shop. I know that sounds crazy coming from a girl, but I could think of at least 12 things I would rather do than go shopping.
We went to several stores, of course, because when you're 16 years old, there is not just one, magical store that contains everything you need. God forbid you be seen shopping at the W-Mart. Blasphemy! I had to put my foot down about going to the mall though. I hate the mall even more than I hate dogs.
The one store that did me in finally was Ulta Cosmetics. First time for me there, and it was a little strange. All the girls that worked there had the exact same haircut. It was like being in the Stepford store.
But here are some new cosmetics that I just don't get: Jessica Simpson has put out a line of body sprays, lip glosses and other goodies that you can actually ingest. Her shaving cream comes with candy sprinkles. Shouldn't this stuff be sold at the adult novelty shop? So now if I get hungry, I can just chew on my hand cuz it tastes like butter toffee?
"Hey Jenn, you wanna get some lunch?"
"No, thanks, I just had some eye shadow and a side of blush."
Maybe that's how she stays so thin. I wonder where her products fall in the Weight Watchers point system?
Although I left the store smelling like cake, I still don't have the urge to make a purchase from Jessica.
posted by Jenn at
10:35 PM
10 Comments:
i would eat myself, but i'm low in fiber and high in complex carbohydrates. not a good diet.
That reminds me of all those products for babies in the "baby aisle" and it all reeks of baby powder and similar sickly sweet smells. It's supposed to make women go all weak and gooey and BUY BUY BUY, I suppose.
God, I hate the smell of babies, because of those products, even in those brief moments before they crap or vomit on you.
Jeez. Why don't we just hose 'em down and throw them in a box with some cedar shavings like gerbils?
I LIKE the smell of gerbils in the morning, it smells like....GERBILS!
--Travis--
And here I thought I was angry...
I have to tell you, I've never known a single bitch in my life that could be happy with just ONE fucking magical buy-it-all-in-the-same-place store. Chicks like that don't exist.
Edible body stuff aimed at teenagers? YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY! I am not going to be the villian for wanting to taste your daughters Big Sis Jess's peaches and cream peach fuzz remover am I?
And did I mention that I want to fuck Sarah?
many times, yes. :)
Oh, and Sarah, I'm not sure, Buffalo Exchange? That's the only one I know of.
Fifteen will get you twenty...
--Travis--
I would tell you my cake joke, but it's just not as funny on paper as it is when I tell it. It's kindof a euphemism and it's funny to me that I've become known for it. If I ever get any audio clips up, I'll be sure to include that one.
And with my luck , she'll come at a time when I can't get off work. I never win...
Have you ever been to the Mac store? You need to stop by that place Gary Coleman advertises for and get $20,000 in just one day! For the price they charge I'd eat the makeup and forget the groceries.
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