The skinny on the funny

Happy Hump Day, folks. I wanted to let you all know how my shows went at Hyena’s Arlington last weekend.

Friday nite, we had 2 shows. The headliner was a British guy named Steve Hirst. When I went into the ‘green room’ to meet him and check on guest set and feature comedians, he was a total dick to me. I didn’t really expect for him to be nice. He headlines all over and the opening act is never really someone they pay attention to. So my first impression of him was: Douche.

First show started at 8:30. Let me just say that I was nervous as fuck. But I got up there and did a great set, introduced everyone correctly, and made sure all the announcements for the club were done as well. Headliner Steve said ‘Good job’ in passing after the first show. Second show at 11 went just as well, and after all was said and done, Headliner Steve talked to me a bit more. Said he thought I was really good and that he hoped things worked out for me in comedy. That was nice.

It’s funny how nice people are to you after you do a good job. Hmph.

Saturday nite there were 3 shows. The first one at 7 was not my best. The audience wasn’t responding as well as the nite before, and it threw me off. I cut my set short, and introduced the feature by the wrong name. Go Jenn! But the management people and the comedians told me to shake it off, that the early show is always rough. Headliner Steve said, “Maybe is wasn’t the crowd, maybe it was you.”

Thanks. Thanks for that.

Second show on Saturday nite was great! I was on, did a lot of ad libbing and messing with cute boys in the audience. I introduced everyone right this time and got the announcements done. I even got to call up a hot guy on stage for his birthday – his friends ordered him a Blowjob shot, and the waitstaff felt that I was more appropriate to do it than one of the guys. I had a lot of fun with it.

Third show was ok. Not great, not bad, but ok. I got some cute pics of me, a couple with the other acts, and overall, I think it was a success. They asked me to come back, so I’m officially in the rotation as an opener. Yay!

Early Sunday morning, when I was on my way home for the nite, I discovered that my wallet, my make-up bag and my notebook were missing. I called the club frantically but they hadn’t found anything. Fail! I cried all the way home, mostly for the notebook, because there are thoughts and ideas in there that I can’t easily replace.
But around 9 am, I got a call from a woman who had found my wallet! No, not at the club, but in the parking lot of a Whataburger in Irving. I was nowhere near Irving, so obviously someone stole it out of my purse. Great! I got it back from these amazing good Samaritans. All that was missing was my little bit of cash. My license, debit card and other assorted things were still in tact. Still waiting to hear from the club on the notebook.

And, if that weren’t bad enough…in between the first and second show on Saturday is when my bass player blew me off. I was looking for a little comfort, a little consoling after my first set that sucked. Well, he was not interested in all that, got pretty shitty with me and that was pretty much the end of that.

I was totally depressed on Sunday so I packed up all my laundry and went to my mom’s. Why? Because mothers always tell you that you’re great, even if you suck. Sadly, my car died after arriving at her place so I was stuck there til Monday afternoon. But she did my laundry, so that was cool. I had the car towed to the Russians again. He called me today and said it would be around $600 to repair this time. I told him I couldn’t afford it. He said we could take it out in trade. What he meant was sex. Gross! Don’t get me wrong, if he were even slightly attractive, I would consider it, but he’s about 60 years old with a mouth full of gold teeth and dirty mechanic’s fingernails. Blech. I’m disgusted that he would even ask. Must have been the bobble penis on the dashboard. Obviously a girl with one of those is easy.

So that was my weekend. Anyone wanna buy a 1969 Toyota Corona?