To drink, or not to drink. That IS the question.
So I haven’t had a drink in a while. Only one since I said I was giving it up, and I of course have wonderful excuses for why I chose to drink that nite. I won’t get into it here. Suffice it to say, I have to learn how to deal with certain situations head-on instead of relying on alcohol to make me not care about them.
Wow. This is hard. I didn’t think it would be. I never thought I actually had a problem. Well, I thought I probably did, but I certainly didn’t want to admit to it. Friends have approached me about it in the past, saying that they were concerned. I never gave it much thought. Not that I didn’t appreciate them caring, I just didn’t think it was necessary.
I haven’t gotten into an AA group. I’m still trying to decide if that’s something I really need. I seem to do fine when I’m alone, it’s just in certain group settings that I start to feel insecure and out of place. I am, however, seeing a therapist, for many reasons, and I hope it helps.
Why am I writing about this here? I don’t really know. I guess I’ve just made a lot of realizations lately and I want to share my progress with those of you who read this faithfully. I don’t need pity or coddling, I’ll be ok.
It’s hard to admit that we aren’t the perfect, happy people that we portray to others. It’s hard to admit that something as seemingly harmless as a glass of wine can send me into a spiral of doom. And it’s hard to imagine what a full-blown case of alcoholism would do to my children. They’ve never seen me in that state, and I’m thankful that I at least had a modicum of control where they are concerned.
I was married to an addict. I’ve been to many a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and watched as these people professed their sobriety, yet discussed the nearest place to score in the parking lot after the meeting.
I don’t want to be one of those people.
Wow. This is hard. I didn’t think it would be. I never thought I actually had a problem. Well, I thought I probably did, but I certainly didn’t want to admit to it. Friends have approached me about it in the past, saying that they were concerned. I never gave it much thought. Not that I didn’t appreciate them caring, I just didn’t think it was necessary.
I haven’t gotten into an AA group. I’m still trying to decide if that’s something I really need. I seem to do fine when I’m alone, it’s just in certain group settings that I start to feel insecure and out of place. I am, however, seeing a therapist, for many reasons, and I hope it helps.
Why am I writing about this here? I don’t really know. I guess I’ve just made a lot of realizations lately and I want to share my progress with those of you who read this faithfully. I don’t need pity or coddling, I’ll be ok.
It’s hard to admit that we aren’t the perfect, happy people that we portray to others. It’s hard to admit that something as seemingly harmless as a glass of wine can send me into a spiral of doom. And it’s hard to imagine what a full-blown case of alcoholism would do to my children. They’ve never seen me in that state, and I’m thankful that I at least had a modicum of control where they are concerned.
I was married to an addict. I’ve been to many a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and watched as these people professed their sobriety, yet discussed the nearest place to score in the parking lot after the meeting.
I don’t want to be one of those people.
posted by Jenn at
1:21 PM
2 Comments:
"It’s hard to admit that we aren’t the perfect, happy people that we portray to others."
Yeah. I hear ya. It's really hard to write this kind of stuff in my own Blog, so I know how sort of "exposed" you must have felt putting this out there.
I think you're brave and good for taking steps to correct something in your life that's making you unhappy.
Awesome lady. Keep rockin'!
Sadly, I think I was happier as a drunk.
lol.
I don't like to get too personal here, but this is a major issue and I feel like if I keep it a secret, then I'll just go back to it again. Saying it out loud and writing it down makes me accountable.
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