Feminism and harassment

How about some personal stuff today? Sound good?

I don’t consider myself a feminist. I believe in equality. I support women’s rights and have always been a pro-choice advocate and all that, but I don’t think women have it as bad as we used to. We can go into any profession we choose. We’re not expected to skip college in favor of raising a family. Women participate in all facets of society, and in most cases, as equals.

So why do feminists still make women out to be helpless victims?

Sure, there are things that are still unfair. Disparities between the sexes will always exist (although not exclusively toward women). Most notably, the continued objectification that women endure. But I have three words for you: Men are pigs. Why does this continue to surprise us?

Let me qualify that statement – not ALL men are pigs. I would say that most of them possess pig-like qualities, although they may not display them. Just because a guy in a bar doesn’t grab your ass, doesn’t mean he’s not thinking about it. Is it wrong that men are attracted to the physical appearance of women? Hell no. How would any of us ever end up in relationships if there were not some sort of attraction? But how they go about expressing it and acting on it is the key.

I saw something on Jill’s blog the other day that I thought was interesting: A blog that allows women (or men also, I thought), to post pictures of people who harass them. Problem is, what qualifies as “sexual harassment” these days? If a guy whistles or yells at you, is that really sexual harassment? Are you really violated in that situation?

I suppose it’s subjective. Experts tell us if you perceive that you’ve been violated, then you have. I tend to disagree. Having been truly violated, by far more than words, and unfortunately more than once, maybe my perception is a little skewed on the matter.

(You see where the crazy comes from, huh? Ah-ha. It all makes sense now!)

I went to the site and read the stories that were posted, alongside pictures of the ‘offenders’. One woman was angry because a guy asked her to smile.

Um, ok.

Another told a story of a decent guy who actually approached her in a respectful, non-threatening way. Nice to see that. That was the only positive story. Here’s the link, check it out: http://hollabacktexas.blogspot.com/

But there were a couple of things that pissed me off.

From their Q & A section:

Question: I am a man who was recently sexually objectified by a woman on the street. I think this is reverse harassment. Why won’t you post my story?

Answer: While a woman making unsolicited sexual remarks to a man is certainly conceivable, the power dynamics of such an encounter are very different in a society where women comprise a historically subordinated group. HollaBackNYC is a project dedicated to combating a particular form of violence that designates subordinated groups (such as women and LGBTQ** folks, for example) as targets in public spaces or otherwise vulnerable to unsolicited, nonconsensual encounters with strangers. It is thus not a forum for reporting other unpleasantries.

Why won’t they post your story? Basically, because you’re a man. That seems a little sexist to me. “Other unpleasantries”? It’s a site dedicated to alleged harassment – but only if you’re a woman. I understand their reasoning, but I don’t agree with it. But this post is about feminism, not reverse sexism. I’ll talk about that later.

Are women attacked? Yes. Do women get raped? Yes. Is every guy who honks or whistles at a woman a rapist? No. Men get attacked as well. Men are raped too (in prison) and in larger numbers. (Yes, by other men, but still.)

Question: If you show off your boobage, shouldn’t you expect some compliments?

Answer: Sure, expect them, but don’t accept them! Just because it happens doesn’t mean it’s okay. A compliment is not a compliment if it makes the recipient feel bad.

Ok, but why do women, in this day and age, get mad when a man notices what they're wearing? I mean really, if you're showing it off, you want someone to see it, and you shouldn't get upset when they do. Are they 'asking for it' if they are attacked? No. But someone looking and someone touching are two very different things.

So here’s my problem with feminists*: Women are equal and strong and can take care of themselves, but they are also victims and need to be taken care of.

You can’t have it both ways.

Would I be offended if some guy grabbed my ass or any other part of my body? Yes, of course. But if I’m walking down the street and some guy yells, “Nice tits!”, would I feel violated? No.

What do you think? I don’t mind taking any shit on this, all comments are welcome. I love debating this sort of thing.

(* I realize that there are different types of feminism and a wide range of beliefs in that area.)

(**Ok, I get the LGB and the T, but what's the Q?)