Pondering

It seems I have a million things to say, yet nothing seems to come out in any kind of decipherable order.


I've had a lot of time to myself these last few weeks. Lots of time to think and ponder and work myself into a tizzy. I am kid-free every other weekend, and I've spent a lot of time cleaning and organizing. I think I actually fear the moment when everything is in its place, because then I won't have anything to keep me busy. Just sit and enjoy the silence I suppose.


Overall things are just fine. But this has been a really big change for me, for all of us. There are some things I'll miss. Sadly, the things I won't miss outweigh the ones I will. If only we'd just stayed friends. That seemed to work for us. Or maybe it didn't. We never were really just friends, in spite of what he told others. We weren't a couple, but we weren't just friends either. I used to call it 'friends with benefits' - but I don't know how beneficial that really was, looking back on it all.