E-harmony and the Single Girl
E-harmony. I gave it a shot. What a joke.
I was in a relationship with a man I met on an internet dating site for well over a year. After a terrible, crushing break up, I got right back on the preverbial horse and thought I'd try my luck with the most popular dating site on the net. Boy oh boy. I had no idea what I was in for.
They are supposed to match you on 29 areas of compatibility. Apparently, religion and politics are not included in those areas. Neither is honesty. Or marital status. I went on precisely 3 dates, and the details are at least amusing.
The first guy they matched me with turned out to be married. We never went on a date, we only e-mailed each other a few times. After a few ‘getting to know you’ messages, he confessed to being married. I appreciated the honesty, but I was not interested in knowing anything else about him. He had the usual story - "She doesn't understand me, we're more like roommates, I'll be getting divorced soon." Blah, blah, blah. If I had a nickel for every time I'd heard that song. I don’t blame the site for his lie about being single. Unfortunately, I've heard this happens a lot there though. Maybe they should look into it.
The second was so far off it was as if our parents had set us up on a blind date. Our e-mails back and forth were lively and charming, and he sounded like a very nice guy. And he was. Just not at all my type. He lived on a farm - with real live chickens and goats - a mere three miles away from his ex-wife. I respect the joint custody proposition, I’m just not sure I want to live it -and certainly not on a farm. I’m a city girl. Well, a suburbs girl at least. In addition to being Old MCDonald, he was a very conservative Republican who graduated from one of the most conservative schools in the country. I believe my profile included information on my political affiliations and preferences. When he picked me up for our first date, he didn’t come to the door - he honked. HE HONKED. Not a good sign of things to come. He had made no plans as to where we were going, so he drove to a convenience store and went in to make a purchase. When he returned, we drove to a parking lot and drank beer. I felt like I was in high school again, and not in a good way. We talked for a while, and I knew that this would never go anywhere. He took me home. No, he didn’t walk me to the door. No, we didn’t go out again.
Number three was an experiment in odd priorities. He drove a sports car, but lived in a trailer, and for some reason had no visitation rights with his children. Red flags, anyone? We met, he was somewhat attractive, but a bit dumb. By no means am I a genius, but I need someone who can carry on at least a rudimentary conversation about world events. Hot Rod man did not posess this ability. Thankfully, we met in a neutral location, and I was able to get out of there quickly.
Finally, Mr. Four. He was definitely divorced, he never lived on a farm, owned a real house, and his ex lived in another state. So far so good. Our phone conversations were good, he was funny, smart and down to earth. When we met for dinner, he gave me a hug. We had a nice dinner, and the conversation never lagged at all. The Presidential election had just passed, so we talked about politics a bit. When I mentioned I had worked for a fairly liberal women's organization for several years, he seemed to find that unpleasant. Once again, conservative Republican. But, he seemed like a nice guy, so I didn’t dismiss the thought of a second date right away. When the check came, I gave my obligatory ‘Can I split that with you?’ gesture. To my surprise, he said yes. So I pulled out my wallet and charged my portion of the meal - $20.00 - to my credit card. We parted with a hug, second date definitely dismissed. I can take myself out to dinner.
I continued getting new matches, and I continued reading about these men. I turned down at least a dozen for various reasons. Many for the distance. The previous boyfriend lived over an hour away, and that was really hard on both of us, as well as our kids. I was hoping for someone a little closer to home. When I signed up with EH, I was without a car, yet they were sending me profiles of men who lived as far away as Oklahoma - and in my experience, NO man is worth a 4 hour bus ride.
One of the pieces in the profile is a list of the three things for which you are most thankful. I turned down several based on their answers here. When their list of 'things to be thankful for' included "Bush’s re-election" and "Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior", I know I’ve gotta keep looking. I’m not an atheist, but I answered that my preference was someone with no specific religious affiliation. I’d say Christian is quite specific.
So I’ve cancelled my membership with e-Harmony. It wasn't worth the money, and I'm shocked that anyone has ever found a compatible mate thru their site. Maybe I didn’t give it long enough. Maybe I was too picky. But I can tell you, I've had better luck on dating sites that didn’t try very hard, or promise to find you your 'soul mate'. Staying single is probably the best thing for me. But seriously, what should I have expected from e-Harmony, when the founder looks like Orville Reddenbacher's twin brother? (thanks for that one Russ.)
I was in a relationship with a man I met on an internet dating site for well over a year. After a terrible, crushing break up, I got right back on the preverbial horse and thought I'd try my luck with the most popular dating site on the net. Boy oh boy. I had no idea what I was in for.
They are supposed to match you on 29 areas of compatibility. Apparently, religion and politics are not included in those areas. Neither is honesty. Or marital status. I went on precisely 3 dates, and the details are at least amusing.
The first guy they matched me with turned out to be married. We never went on a date, we only e-mailed each other a few times. After a few ‘getting to know you’ messages, he confessed to being married. I appreciated the honesty, but I was not interested in knowing anything else about him. He had the usual story - "She doesn't understand me, we're more like roommates, I'll be getting divorced soon." Blah, blah, blah. If I had a nickel for every time I'd heard that song. I don’t blame the site for his lie about being single. Unfortunately, I've heard this happens a lot there though. Maybe they should look into it.
The second was so far off it was as if our parents had set us up on a blind date. Our e-mails back and forth were lively and charming, and he sounded like a very nice guy. And he was. Just not at all my type. He lived on a farm - with real live chickens and goats - a mere three miles away from his ex-wife. I respect the joint custody proposition, I’m just not sure I want to live it -and certainly not on a farm. I’m a city girl. Well, a suburbs girl at least. In addition to being Old MCDonald, he was a very conservative Republican who graduated from one of the most conservative schools in the country. I believe my profile included information on my political affiliations and preferences. When he picked me up for our first date, he didn’t come to the door - he honked. HE HONKED. Not a good sign of things to come. He had made no plans as to where we were going, so he drove to a convenience store and went in to make a purchase. When he returned, we drove to a parking lot and drank beer. I felt like I was in high school again, and not in a good way. We talked for a while, and I knew that this would never go anywhere. He took me home. No, he didn’t walk me to the door. No, we didn’t go out again.
Number three was an experiment in odd priorities. He drove a sports car, but lived in a trailer, and for some reason had no visitation rights with his children. Red flags, anyone? We met, he was somewhat attractive, but a bit dumb. By no means am I a genius, but I need someone who can carry on at least a rudimentary conversation about world events. Hot Rod man did not posess this ability. Thankfully, we met in a neutral location, and I was able to get out of there quickly.
Finally, Mr. Four. He was definitely divorced, he never lived on a farm, owned a real house, and his ex lived in another state. So far so good. Our phone conversations were good, he was funny, smart and down to earth. When we met for dinner, he gave me a hug. We had a nice dinner, and the conversation never lagged at all. The Presidential election had just passed, so we talked about politics a bit. When I mentioned I had worked for a fairly liberal women's organization for several years, he seemed to find that unpleasant. Once again, conservative Republican. But, he seemed like a nice guy, so I didn’t dismiss the thought of a second date right away. When the check came, I gave my obligatory ‘Can I split that with you?’ gesture. To my surprise, he said yes. So I pulled out my wallet and charged my portion of the meal - $20.00 - to my credit card. We parted with a hug, second date definitely dismissed. I can take myself out to dinner.
I continued getting new matches, and I continued reading about these men. I turned down at least a dozen for various reasons. Many for the distance. The previous boyfriend lived over an hour away, and that was really hard on both of us, as well as our kids. I was hoping for someone a little closer to home. When I signed up with EH, I was without a car, yet they were sending me profiles of men who lived as far away as Oklahoma - and in my experience, NO man is worth a 4 hour bus ride.
One of the pieces in the profile is a list of the three things for which you are most thankful. I turned down several based on their answers here. When their list of 'things to be thankful for' included "Bush’s re-election" and "Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior", I know I’ve gotta keep looking. I’m not an atheist, but I answered that my preference was someone with no specific religious affiliation. I’d say Christian is quite specific.
So I’ve cancelled my membership with e-Harmony. It wasn't worth the money, and I'm shocked that anyone has ever found a compatible mate thru their site. Maybe I didn’t give it long enough. Maybe I was too picky. But I can tell you, I've had better luck on dating sites that didn’t try very hard, or promise to find you your 'soul mate'. Staying single is probably the best thing for me. But seriously, what should I have expected from e-Harmony, when the founder looks like Orville Reddenbacher's twin brother? (thanks for that one Russ.)
posted by Jenn at
2:52 PM
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